The Right Time

I have been thinking about this post for a while and now is the perfect time to actually write it.  I have a job interview tomorrow.  I have actually been looking for a job for a while now.  I started looking even harder when my husband changed jobs at the beginning of the year mostly because I travel every week and it’s incredibly difficult to be gone so much.  I actually have a really good job, and if not for the travel, I would likely stay.  I have been here for almost 7 years, some of my coworkers have been come some of my closest friends, my boss and I get along great and I have a lot of flexibility, and I have a good reputation within the company.  I was actually recently selected as one of 29 people in the entire company (it is very large company) to be mentored by someone on our senior leadership team.  All reasons to stay.  Unfortunately the drive to the south bay area is enough to make me crazy.  And I hate being away from home for 3 days a week.  It makes it impossible to have true work life balance, and clearly this is something that will be even more difficult when I have a baby.  Just doing the IUI with the unknown exact timing was stressful (although not as stressful as it would have been without L who is a life saver).   With all of that said, I cannot just leave for any job.  I have to be selective because we can’t afford for me to take a pay cut and I need something stable.  The market in my area is nothing compared to what it is in the bay area so finding a comparable job here is difficult.  So finally after all this time, and several interviews for jobs that didn’t seem quite right here I am with the best opportunity that has come to me.  The job is very comparable to my current position and the money is right.  The company is established and has a good reputation, although it is smaller than the company where I currently work.  The benefits, I have heard, are also great will full medical, dental and vision paid by the company.  All in all this is a great opportunity. 

The timing of this is sort of throwing me off.  I got the call from the recruiter a few days before my IUI.  Clearly I have no idea if I am or am not pregnant.  Maybe I am pregnant.  Maybe I am lucky enough to just need one IUI to get there.  That would be a blessing.  Such a blessing.  If this job does end up working out I would be hopeful to start in February, because my bonus is paid on January 24th.  After the intense but very successful year I have had it will have to be one hell of an offer to get me to walk away earlier.  But if I am pregnant I will be in my second trimester in February.  Not great timing and all sorts of ethical questions raised on telling them or not telling them.  I mean how could I tell them they have to wait for my bonus to be paid, and then a few weeks later tell them I will be out on maternity leave in a few months.  I am trying my best not to over think it, but if I am pregnant my decision making will be different than if I am not. 

So when is the right time to start your family?  And when you have fertility issues, how do you decide to move forward with life changing events?  Being on the TTC bench is like torture so putting that on the back burner would break my heart.  I feel like I can’t live in a land of “if I am pregnant then…”.  I have to admit that getting this job, and not traveling anymore, would benefit long term.  When we first decided to even try our life was ideal for starting a family, but all I could think was that things would never be truly perfect so you just figure it out as it comes.  As I have been going through all of this I have been listening to three songs that have helped me remain calm and patient to the unknown.  One of them is Sovereign by Chris Tomlin.  While all of the lyrics speak true to me right now, this one really hits home

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

The truth is, all I can do is trust God to lead me through all of this and make the best decisions possible.  I have been trying to remember to pray for guidance and patience and be thankful.  That’s proves to be difficult when there is something that I want so badly.  There may never be a perfect time for us to have a baby, and clearly even if there were my body wouldn’t cooperate with precise timing.  So I push on, praying and trusting in God. 

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2WW of Shoes Day 7

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Today I went for comfort.  I got these boots in Portland last winter in a little boutique on 23rd st and they were super cheap.  They have held up remarkably well considering.  Speaking of, I went to Macy’s today in search of new high  black boots.  They are a staple of my wardrobe and the pair I bought last year has seen better days.  I got an awesome coupon for Macy’s and I have a gift card.  Unfortunately of the few pair that I found that I actually like, they were either unbearably uncomfortable, or they didnt have my size!  What a bummer!  They had a pretty large selection of flat black boots too, except like 90% of them had no tread!  Annoying!  I need tread!

I am working from home for the rest of the day because I am getting my carpets cleaned.  They should be here soon to start.  It seemed like a GREAT idea a few weeks ago when I scheduled, but now, with most of my furniture moved out of its place, and my husbands parents showing up in a few hours, I am not sure the timing was well thought out.  I am guessing they will probalby finish about the time that his parents arrive.  I also have errands to run that I just didn’t get to yet.  No idea when im getting that done!  Well the carpet people are here.  Wish me luck

2WW of Shoes Day 6: Back to Work

Today’s pick is pretty simple, but that’s why I bought them.  They are also courtesy of Old Navy.  I am super impressed with their flats.  They are comfortable right off the bat.  I am so Thankful for this short week of work.  Today, however, is going to be a busy one.  Tomorrow I am only coming in for a few hours in the morning, and I am sort of undecided about working on Wednesday.  My husband’s parents will be here on Tuesday so maybe I can get away with working from home.  I really shouldn’t have anything going on.  I actually have to work on Thanksgiving, from 7pm until 1 am.  I am sort of back and forth on weather or not I am going to post on my particular feelings on this.  I mean overall I think its ridiculous that Black Friday has creeped its way into Thanksgiving.  It’s just wrong, And I really hope its not successful (although I doubt that will be the case).  Anyway I will save the rest of that rant for my possible future post.  Have a happy Monday people!  Image

2WW of Shoes Day 5

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Today has been somewhat of a lazy day.  I put a pot roast in the slow cooker this morning and we have only left the house to go to church.  I have pretty much been preparing for the arrival of my husband’s family.  I am exhausted! 

Here are my shoes for the day (the only time I actually wore shoes when we went to church).  I got them at DSW over the summer.  I love that they are quilted but I haven’t worn them enough so they need to be broken in a little more, which is why I can only wear them for a short time.

 

2WW of Shoes Day 4- Weekend Edition

 

Todays kicks come to you from one of my fav shoe brands, Toms.  As I mentioned, comfort is very important to me, and as far as I am concerned you can’t beat Toms for comfort.  I have already completely worn out two pair of black toms.  These cute little stichouts I actually got aon a Zuilily flash sale over the summer.  It was sort of an impluse buy because they were literally half the price of the same ones they had online, and I love them.  The bottom of this pair is actually way more substantial than the “classic” Toms.  They don’t sell this color any more but they do have a few other colors of the same design.  I probably would have had a hard time paying $64 dollars for them (I only paid like $30).  Now that Ihave them I can see paying $64.  http://www.toms.com/womens/shoes/stitchouts/turquoise-navy-women-s-bimini-stitchouts/s

In other news, I am thinking that the extra progesterone flowing through my system must give a similar effect to “pregnancy brain” because I have been doing some stupid shit the fast few days. 

Example 1: I left the sink on after finishing brush my teeth and didn’t notice until I got out of the shower.  There is a direct line of site through my glass shower wall to the sink.  And the sink was literally on full blast.

Example 2:  I sort of “lost my sense of place” yesterday and ran into the end of a wall so hard I have a boob bruise and my knuckle is swollen.

Example 3:  I put conditioner on my face instead of facewash in the shower this morning.  One would like I would have noticed as soon as I put it on my face, but no…I actually started rubbing it in before it hit me that it was not the light and refreshing orange scent of my facewash. 

I promise I don’t normally do stuff like this!  I am almost frightened to see what kind of stuff I do when I actually get pregnant. 

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2WW of shoes Day 3

Here is today’s shoes.  I actually haven’t worn these in quite some time so clearly my little challenge for myself is already working out (making me wear stuff I don’t normally wear).  These are from Cathy Jean but like 2 years ago.  The top part is in pretty good shape, but I have had to super glue on the bottoms a few times.  Cathy Jean has some cute stuff but its not meant to last a long time.  I was in search of some gray boots and these fit the bill.  They also have tread on the bottom, which not all boots do.  I can’t buy boots without tread or I will end up falling on my face (its actually happened).  I have paired my boots with a cute grey sweater dress and black leggings.    Maybe if I have another 2WW I will do 2 weeks of leggings.  They are my favorite.  Where do I stand on the whole leggings as pants controversy?  Well there are some leggings that can be worn as pants, and some that probably shouldnt be, but are ok under an extra long sweater or dress.  There is one thing that I am sure of though, tights are NOT PANTS.  EVER.  I would think this would be obvious, however the receptionist in our office this week wore see through black tights as pants earlier in the week, paired with a sweater.  Not a particularly long one either.  You could literally see her butt crack.  I am in shock her boss didn’t send her home.  So inappropriate.  Anyway enough on my rant about that. 

In other news, my stomach has been slightly upset the past 36 hours or so.  I am not sure if this is from the progesterone, or from constipation (which is always an issue for me).  Since I haven’t been drinking coffee things are moving even slower than normal.  I had a big container of assorted veggies (brussel sprouts, squash, green beans and some mashed sweet potato) from Whole Foods for lunch today so hopefully that helps.  I have been doing an awesome job of drinking a ton of water the past few weeks but that doesn’t seem to be helping.  Otherwise I have been feeling really tired.  I don’t have a super busy work week thankfully so I have been letting my body get extra rest.  I am sure that can’t hurt! 

Happy Friday to everyone!

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2WW of Shoes…Day 2

Today’s shoes come to you from Lily.   Its a sort of cart/kiosk thing I stubled upon in the mall.  They weren’t expensive to begin with, and the second pair was half off (so basically two pair for $48).  I am sure the other pair will debut in the next two weeks.   They also sell them online.  They are in full sizes only.  I am normally an 8 1/2 and the 9 fits perfectly.

http://www.freshlilys.com/Black-Eyed-Pea.htmlImage

2WW- Tribute to shoes Day 1

On this very long Two week wait I thought it woudld be fun to blog about something totally different, so I am going to try to wear different shoes every day.  I have no idea if I have enough shoes to actually make it that long but maybe digging to the bottom of my shoe bins will inspire some new outfits as well.  You will likely see a pattern in my shoe posts….comfort.  I like having cute shoes and all, but I am not a fan of being uncomfortable and I have really sensitive feet.  There will be no 4″ heals for this girl.Image

So for day one here it is….Ballet Flats from Old Navy.  They are super comfortable, and they only cost about $20.  Also please notice my sassy red pants. 

Get them here:  http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=55148&vid=1&pid=646049012

Just Your Average Trip to Safeway

On my grocery list:

Lettuce

Green Beans

Vaginal Suppositories

Lysol Floor Cleaner

Soft Scrub

Tortillas

Totally normal right?  So they did an IUI Monday morning and this morning.  My husband’s count and motility was awesome.  When he had is SA in May his motility was in the 30% range.  Today and yesterday it was almost 80%!  So consider this a glowing endorsement for a few months of Men’s Fertility Blend Vitamins.  The procedure itself was pretty anticlimactic.  I don’t know what I expected exactly. 

I have a sort of weird sense of humor, so when my husband was in dropping off his contribution to the process I found it funny to text him things like “how is your date going?  Getting lucky?”  I am not sure how much he appreciated my humor in the situation but I find it important to be able to be able to laugh a little (so I don’t cry).

Of course there was only one pharmacy in my area which has the lovely progesterone suppositories in stock, and said pharmacy is in a Safeway which is incredibly inconvenient to where I live and work.  It is close to the clinic, but since I had to go to work after the appointment today and they have to be refrigerated I couldn’t really go pick them up right after.  On a side note, if you are ever at a grocery store pharmacy and you see a long line behind you, DO NOT ask the pharmacy cashier to also ring up your FULL cart of groceries.  Its rude.  Anyway so I got them, after waiting on the aforementioned inconsiderate jerk to pay for their groceries. 

In other news I had to set foot into Pottery Barn Kids today.  Normally this doesn’t really bother me so much, but today with 16 days of waiting ahead of me, it kind of got to me.  A friend of mine works there, and they raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s hospital this time of year so I needed to drop off my donation.  Of course when I went in she was helping someone so I started to wander around while I was waiting.  Bad idea.  After very briefly looking through the nursery section I felt the breakdown coming and I retreated to the other side of the store.  if nothing else I am hoping my good deed will bring me some good karma. 

On a final and positive note, I woke up to the most awesome text from L today.  She text me saying she woke up with the chant “get knocked up, get knocked up” going through her head and she was sure it had to be for me,  I think I am going to start chanting that to my lady parts for the next few weeks.  You know, in case they need some encouragement.