Today was the day……that I got on the scale. I avoided it for months. I knew it was bad but I wanted to remain naive to how bad. I wanted to eat whatever sounded good not what was good for me. Today I faced the music…..and my expectations were met. It is so so so bad.
Before I stepped on, actually days before, I resolved to do something about it. Its far more than the number. It’s how I feel. How my clothes fit. My energy level (or lack thereof). It is everything. And it has to change.
The weight I am at now is probably close to what I should weigh very pregnant. To really put it in perspective I weigh 40 pounds more than I did at 22….and 30 pounds more than I did at 27. And 18 pounds more than I weighed at 30. Almost every one of those 18 pounds in the last 2 years have been due to infertility. Emotional eating. Fertility drugs. All of it. And I’m done with it.
So here is phase 1 of my plan.
The likelihood that I would ever completely stop drinking caffeine is small because honestly I LOVE coffee. More specifically I love a latte. It’s probably one of my favorite things in the entire world to consume and considering I love it that much I am not going to completely stop having it. However for phase 1 of my plan I won’t be having it at all for about 2 months. I started cutting back about a week ago and honestly its gone better than expected. I have not had caffeine at all today and I’ve felt okay. I want to get to the point that having a latte is a special treat and not something I need to start the day. I actually managed to cut out all caffeine a few years ago and it make my mornings a trillion times easier.
A few years ago my husband bought me a juicer and I loved it. I juiced pretty often actually. I found it a great way to get in some nutrients from greens like spinach and kale which I have a hard time eating a lot of in leaf form. I have decided to do a 3 day cleanse starting either Thursday or Friday. My husband is going out of town on Friday so it seems like a perfect time. I am back and forth about what day to start because I know it’s going to be hard, and I’m going to be cranky and probably really tired. I am sure I could survive one day of work like this but I’m not sure about 2 days. The downside is that I really need Sunday to do food prep for the following week and I can’t imagine cooking a bunch of make-ahead food and not being able to eat it. I’ve never done a cleanse before and I know it can be controversial, but I am actually excited to see how I like it.
Immediately after my cleanse I plan to go into the Whole30. If you haven’t heard of this particular plan it is basically a much more intense version of paleo. After doing this I would imagine that doing paleo would be really easy. The Whole30 is a much stricter version which rules out all sugar except for fruit (including honey or pure maple syrup), no dairy (except for clarified butter), no pseudo grains (like quinoa), and no alcohol. It’s really just meat, veggies, fruit, and some healthy oils. Most spices are allowed as long as they do not contain sugar. I am going to try to do a green juice everyday also.
As my friend asked “why so extreme?” Well, first because I want a very aggressive start to kick off some big changes. For fertility/endometriosis reasons I want to cut out gluten. This means that after the whole 30 I will be basically doing paleo. I also want to cut back on dairy significantly as well as caffeine and paleo seems to be the most fitting lifestyle to meet those goals. There are a few things that I will have that paleo and I don’t 100% agree on that I will be having now and then (such as beans), but for the most part I plan to be pretty strict about it for the 3 months following the Whole30.
It starts with food, but nothing big happens without exercise. I am going to try to do some walking or walking/jogging combos this week. After my juice cleanse I am going to start the C25K running program and get back to Crossfit (I hope). I actually really like Crossfit. There is something about lifting that just makes me feel powerful. My gym has cut a lot of the class times that work for me so hopefully I can make it work with my work schedule!
We should find out how our bonuses by March 6th. I am usually very proactive about doing our taxes as soon as possible but our accountant retired (and left his clients to another practice) so I am not sure how quick the new firm will be in turning things around. I hope to have our refund back by April 1st. That will give us a good idea of where we are with money for IVF. My husband has a huge conference in May and his parents will be staying with me while he is gone (because my stepson’s mother will also be gone and I work too far away from his school to take him and pick him up.) This will be far too stressful to try and plan IVF so if finances line up I am hoping to start the process (with BCP) in June. My goal before starting BCP is to be down 20 lbs. That is 1lb a week from now until June 1st.
I know that this is going to be really hard. I am also thinking ahead to the benefits, mostly in the way I feel overall. As I’ve gained weight I’ve developed back problems which have caused both headaches and poor sleep. My energy has been extremely low which leads to a lot more laying around (and then feeling overwhelmed because I have so much to do) and excessive consumption of caffeine. I could go on and on. I really owe it to my body to do everything I can to improve things before taking another round of fertility drugs and hopefully go into pregnancy.