Graduation

I have officially graduated from the fertility clinic and on to the OB! I had my last appointment at the clinic yesterday afternoon. We got an ultrasound and both babies are doing excellent measuring 2 days ahead at 8w4d. Both had heartbeats in the 170s. They looked like adorable little gummy bears! We even got a DVD of the ultrasound with audio for the heartbeats! I have been going to the clinic for so many years now (since 2013) that it seems crazy that I have finally graduated. My nurse gave me several big hugs. I will really miss her.

My first appointment with my OBs office is this Friday. I will see the nurse practitioner this appointment and in two weeks I will see the doctor. I’m curious about frequency of appointments with the twins after that. My appointment with the doctor is just before 11 weeks, so I will likely tell my boss in the week following the appointment. My maternity leave start date will likely be somewhat of a wild card so I want to give him as much notice as possible. The good news is that it will be right as we are winding down for the year.

My biggest pregnancy symptom continues to be exhaustion. I could sleep all the time. Friday night I slept 12 hours straight, ran errands for 2 hours, and then needed a 3 hour nap! I do have some morning sickness but I will not complain because it’s been manageable. My appetite is nonexistent. Occasionally I have random and very specific cravings, usually for something really unhealthy, but mostly nothing sounds good. The key to keeping nausea away seems to be eating so it’s been a struggle to find foods that don’t make me want to gag. Cooking is also totally out of the question, especially meat. Thankfully my husband has done a great job of making dinner and when I’m not too exhausted I try to help with the dishes. I have also been having some very crazy dreams!

I hope everyone out there is doing well! Happy NIAW!

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What to do When…

You’re having TWO!

Tuesday morning I was so excited to start my day with acupuncture. It was my second morning in a row of nausea and I was really hopeful that acupuncture was going to give some relief. I was so tired/relaxed I slept through the whole thing! It was wonderful! And I felt better afterwards. I had about an hour and a half until our ultrasound appointment at the clinic. I had some work to do in between and time went pretty quickly.

Around 11:15 I met my husband at the clinic and we signed in for our appointment. They seemed to be running on time and we were taken back pretty quickly. A new doctor just joined the practice two weeks ago and I was scheduled with her for my ultrasound. I really liked her right off the bat. She started the ultrasound and brought up the first image on the screen. A perfect little baby! And then she said “and here is the other one!” Another perfect little baby!

Honestly seeing the first one I was so happy I was starting to tear up, but then seeing the second I was completely shocked. Of course I knew there was a chance we would have twins. I mean we transferred three embryos for goodness sakes! But knowing something is possible and having it actually happen before you is totally different. Also in the last two weeks I was pretty convinced it was just one. My beta numbers were strong and increasing at a perfect 48 hour doubling time and I know with multiples you often see much higher numbers and higher doubling time. Also I had been feeling mostly pretty normal. Morning sickness had started at 6w2d, other than a few random waves of nausea prior. I just felt like it was for sure a singleton pregnancy. Well I was very wrong. And I was very shocked.

Baby A measured at 6w3d with 114 heartbeat. Baby B measured slightly smaller at just 6w, but had 113 heartbeat. The doctor said that both were within normal ranges and at this point they want the heartbeat to be over 100. She said at this point she wasn’t worried about Baby B being a little smaller. I have another ultrasound on the 25th.

Two days later I am still in shock. Happy. Excited. A little overwhelmed. And just still very surprised.

It is going to be weird going two weeks without a doctor’s appointment, but I feeling a little better about things now that I have heard their little heartbeats! AHHHHH!!! Is this really happening?!?!

Worth It

Basically the minute after our close friends and family found out I had my transfer I started getting daily text messages asking me how I was feeling. It was really nice to feel loved and that people were there for me and wanted to check in on me.

And then I got a positive beta. More text messages asking me how I was feeling. For the most part I felt really normal, but when I would respond and say “I feel good!” I could almost feel the disappointment from whoever was asking. So I started to respond saying “Good, but I am a little more tired than normal” or “Good but I am having a little reflux”. And then they would get really excited and say things like “well that will only get worse”, or “get used to it I was always so exhausted”. Basically everyone was really excited to share their own pregnancy symptoms with me. It got to the point that I started to freak out a little because I did feel so good for the most part, that maybe something was wrong.

While some people get symptoms earlier a lot of women (especially the fertile who aren’t over evaluating every single little feeling) don’t notice anything until six weeks.

After beta #3 I started getting more specific messages like “so has morning sickness hit yet?” or “are you throwing up yet?” Everyone seems super excited for me to be sick. Maybe so they can tell me how sick they were? I don’t know. I don’t really get it.

So on Tuesday night my dog woke me up at 3 am to pee (a bad habit she has), and I actually did feel sick. I had actually slept from 10 to 3 which is the longest I had gone without getting up to pee in the past few weeks, and my stomach was obviously completely empty. I didn’t actually throw up, but I could have easily. I finally ate some applesauce and was able to go back to sleep after like an hour and a half. When I woke up a few hours later I was still a little queasy but I ate something and it passed.

The next day my mom text me asking if I was feeling sick yet later in the day. I told her I thought I had felt some morning sickness around 3 am and her response was, “well it’s worth it.”

Do you really need to tell me it’s worth it? I wasn’t complaining. I didn’t even bring it up. She asked. I will throw up every single day and night for the next 8 months if it means that I get to bring home a healthy baby. And quite frankly if I do get super sick I have every right to be miserable and even complain, but that absolutely does not mean that I don’t think it’s worth it. I am fully aware that I asked for this…..I paid tens of thousands of dollars trying to have this…….and I literally pray to thank God for it every single day.

So it might just be the pregnancy hormones which have made me a little more moody and sensitive than usual, but I was pretty pissed that she would have the nerve to say that to me. If almost felt like a lecture. At that point I pretty much cut off the conversation.

I am sure that this is just the beginning of months, or years, or unsolicited advice and comments about all things pregnancy and parenting (as if I haven’t already had enough about how to get pregnant over the years), and honestly even that will be worth it if it means I get to bring home a healthy baby.

A Watched Pot (UPDATED)

Last week when the nurse called to let me know about my positive beta she told me that my next beta (#3) would be at an outside lab. At the time I didn’t have an issue with it, even knowing that meant I wouldn’t get results until the next day. Beta #1 and #2 are included in the cycle fees paid upfront, but Beta #3 is not, but it can be billed to insurance. What I don’t totally understand, is why they can bill my insurance for my six and eight week ultrasounds, but make me to an outside lab rather than using their lab. Couldn’t they also bill insurance for this simple blood test? At this point I would actually have preferred to just pay for their lab to do it!

I went to Labcorp yesterday at 7:15 am. Today at noon I’m still waiting for results. I am stalking my patient portal like a total crazy refreshing every few minutes (something I teased my husband about doing when we were waiting for our original results to post).

Honestly this wait has been worse than the TWW for me. Thankfully I had acupuncture this morning, which did help my anxiety significantly, but still my patience is dwindling. I have been praying a lot, mostly for peace, over the past 48 hours. I am trying my best to give this to God. After almost 5 years of infertility I am just terrified of losing the thing I have prayed so hard to get.

My sweet friends have been great to check in on me the last week so see how I’m feeling, which is great…..except I actually feel mostly normal. The changes I feel are subtle. I am a little more tired than normal, but nothing crazy. I have reflux some times, but not always. My boobs are a little tender to touch. I got a terrible headache after running errands Saturday that I think was caused by not staying hydrated enough. I do have to pee very frequently. I am up 2-3 times a night at least. I barely made it through acupuncture today even though I went right before my appointment. Otherwise I feel pretty normal. And when I respond to text messages letting them know I feel good/normal I almost feel like they are disappointed. And then I start to freak out that I should be feeling more.

I am anxiously awaiting confirmation that things are ok. Honestly its really surprising to me how hard this part has been for me. I am not usually a worry-wort about things. I can barely concentrate at work! I finally put my headphones on with some Hillsong to try and relax, and thought that writing out my feelings would be therapeutic. I actually might take a quick walk around my building! Because a watched patient portal never gives you want you want!

UPDATE:

After writing this post I went on a nice walk listening to Pandora and came back to my desk and tried to focus on work, only letting myself check my patient portal every 15 minutes.  At 1:15 there was finally a new result.  I said a quick prayer and then opened it.  My Beta #3, taken at 5 weeks 2 days, was 5148, which is a doubling time of 48.2 hours!  I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.

The clinic actually called like 2 minutes after I saw the result, and my six week ultrasound is scheduled for next Tuesday.

Can This Be Real?

Today I am 4w6d. I just can’t stop thinking and wondering if this could be real. After all this time can I really be pregnant? With all of the twists and turns that infertility brings to my life I just keep wondering when the other shoe will drop. I am obviously thrilled, but part of me just doesn’t believe it’s really happening.

The part of me that loves to have every detail planned is screaming “Get with it girl! There is so much to do!”. And then there is part of my brain that just hasn’t accepted that this is really going to happen. And there is also a part that feels like if I do anything it will somehow jinx it. I know that’s not how it works. This is purely in God’s hands. But I have finally gotten this thing that is so precious to me, that I have wanted so badly for so long, and I am terrified I will somehow loose it.

OB Care

The clinic recommended I set up OB care immediately for after 8 weeks. From what I understand I will get an ultrasound at the clinic at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, and after that I graduate to the OB. I felt so weird about calling my OBGYN’s office on Monday. I felt like a fraud honestly. After speaking with the nurse I was extremely happy I called, because I was told they would get back to me in 5-7 business days to let me know if my doctor (who I already have been seeing for years for GYN services) would accept me as an OB patient. I wasn’t really given a lot of information on why I may or may not be accepted, but if they weren’t going to accept me this is information I need sooner rather than later obviously so I could figure something else out.

Thankfully I received a message yesterday that I had been accepted. I called this morning to set up my first two appointments. My first will be with the nurse practitioner just before 9 weeks (the same week as my 8 week ultrasound at the clinic), and the second with the doctor just before 11 weeks.

Acupuncture

I plan to continue with acupuncture throughout my pregnancy, and for at least the first trimester I will go weekly. When I went in for my first pregnancy treatment, before my beta, I could tell that my acupuncturist thought I was pregnant. She didn’t say it, but she was totally transparent after she took my pulses. When I went in after my beta for my second treatment she admitted she just knew I was pregnant the week before. I love acupuncture and it helps many people with the symptoms of pregnancy, especially in the first trimester.

How I am Feeling Physically

Today is the first day that I feel a little queasy. I have had some reflux and bloating since a few days before my beta as well. I have been trying to eat every two hours, and if I go too long between snacks/meals I don’t feel well. My face has been breaking out here and there, and I am more tired than usual. I have been trying to walk for 30 minutes every day. I also have to get up and pee at least 4 times a night. I have also been trying my best to practice sleeping on my side. I am a stomach sleeper so this has been a challenge. Because I am bloated sleeping on my stomach is comfortable either so sleep has been hit or miss the past week.

Telling People

Basically we have shared our news with our family and close friends who knew the details of our IVF. It is very overwhelming for me to tell people, especially because it’s hard for me to believe it’s actually happening. I am also really scared that something will go wrong.

What’s Next?

I will have another Beta on Monday to make sure levels are rising appropriately. If things are looking good I will have a 6 week ultra sound on Monday April 11th (I will be 6w2d). I think that hearing a heartbeat will make this feel much more real.