Reflections on 20 weeks of Pregnancy

This post is entirely about being pregnant. If you aren’t ready to read it, then please don’t as it is not meant to hurt anyone. I know what it’s like to be in the throes of infertility. Somedays you just can’t. But I always loved hearing the positive things from those whole finally got here after hard fought battles. It gave me hope.

Also this is about my experience with pregnancy. And the gist really is that everyone’s experience is different and embrace it so it works for you.

 

How could it be? Just a few days shy of 20 weeks pregnant. There were so many times that I prayed for this. So many times I wondered if this was in God’s plan for me. And here I am.

To be honest I didn’t know how I would really feel about pregnancy itself. I mean I have a weak stomach, horrible motion sickness, and basically broken digestive system as it is, so I was pretty nervous about how pregnancy might take its toll on me. There are a few things that I have been surprised, or not so surprised about in my first twenty weeks that I wanted to document.

You can be totally completely happily miserably pregnant. There are just moments that aren’t fun, but you can endure them while they make you feel physically horrible and still be incredibly happy at the same time.

There are really two kinds of “morning sickness”. There is the kind that has you down for the count for hours/days feeling absolutely miserable constantly. There is also the kind that comes up on you like a ninja at the most unexpected and inconvenient time and then goes away as soon as you empty your stomach…..and it will happen and it will happen RIGHT NOW. Carry bags just in case.

Eat your fiber. Lots and lots of fiber. If you need a little motivation imagine yourself having to go to the ER or Urgent care for an enema (this was VERY close to reality for me a few weeks ago). You may have been very regular before, but the hormones can really cause some disruption. Eat your fiber.

Sometimes you need to call the nurse advice line. I am seriously not the type to complain or seek medical help for things. But your body is going through some crazy shit and Dr. Google will either scare the crap out of you or make you think you are fine when you really should see someone. Call the nurse because you will be very upset with yourself if you don’t and it’s actually a serious issue.

Your doctor may be perfect for you, and not right for someone else. I like my doctor. Our personalities are compatible. She knows her stuff and I trust her. She also isn’t the type to coddle you or chit chat about your day. That is totally okay with me. She gets a lot of flak on some of the local moms groups Facebook pages because of her bedside manner. I get that. She isn’t rainbows and ponies. She is smart, qualified, and I feel she will give me the best care. She is a great doctor for me, but she might not be for someone else. So when I read or hear about other’s experiences I do not hold it against her or let it sway my opinion of her. That being said, if you aren’t comfortable with your doctor, find a new one.

Everyone wants to tell you what is going to happen to you based on their own experience. I spent the first 4 weeks after finding out I was pregnant feeling pretty normal other than being tired. Literally everyone told me I was so lucky because that meant I wasn’t going to have morning sickness since I had made it to around 10 weeks. And then I spent the rest of my first trimester and the beginning of my second feeling crappy almost 100% of the time. Everyone told me it would pass at 12 weeks, then 14 weeks, then 16 weeks……finally at 18 weeks I started to consistently feel good.

When the worst of Morning Sickness has passed, you might still have your moments. I still get that spontaneous need to throw up every now and then even though I feel pretty good most of the time. It may never go away.

One of my friends told me that she felt that when she got pregnant it wouldn’t be hard for her to eat completely healthy because she loves healthy food. I laugh. Hard. I used to eat mostly paleo. I spent the last 4 months unable to eat meat most of the time, which is the staple of paleo. What you crave, or what you can or can’t tolerate may have nothing to do with how you ate before you were pregnant. Honestly my biggest cravings have been iced tea and Asian food. The thought of French fries is appalling to me but I would take mashed potatoes and gravy in a second. Surprisingly I haven’t really wanted a lot of sugary foods, but I have loved fruit. None of it makes sense. Try your best to give your body and your baby(ies) protein and nutrition in any way you can. Give yourself a break if you want a donut.

Everyone’s body reacts differently. I had dinner with a few expectant twin moms a few weeks ago. We are all due within a week of each other. We were all showing completely differently. One woman was very self-conscious about how big she was already while I was feeling self-conscious because everyone kept telling me how skinny I looked. The truth is you have no control over how your body might react to growing babies. All you can do is take care of yourself and please don’t compare your body to anyone else.

People will touch you. Seriously they will just come up to you and put their hands on your belly. I have a feeling I’m only at the beginning of this, and I promise I will never be okay with it. It is so uncomfortable and I do not understand it. My mother-in-law is the worst of them all.

If you want to, you should celebrate the heck out of your pregnancy. Infertility does a number on us. And I seriously understand when people who have gone through infertility or miscarriages are very hesitant to even tell anyone they are pregnant, much less celebrate all the little things. There is always a fear something might go wrong for anyone, and then that feeling like we don’t want to be “too happy” because of all of our friends that are still waiting for their miracle. I am big on the golden rule and I will be honest all of the 4 plus years I was struggling I never had an issue with someone celebrating their pregnancy, especially my friends who struggled to get there in the first place. So if you want to, have the gender reveal, post on Facebook, take a poll to guess the genders….or don’t. Do what makes you happy. I have found myself being way more “public” about things that I could have ever imagined, especially because I am pretty private, but honestly this is the moment I have been waiting for literally for years and I am going to CELEBRATE every minute of it without apology.

Pregnancy is a bag of the unexpected every day. Sometimes it’s amazing and wonderful. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s kind of gross. You don’t have to love every minute of it. Be real about it. Laugh about it. Appreciate it. And try to find moments of pure joy in it. I particularly love to look at my belly in the shower. It just makes me feel so happy to see it there. Sometimes it’s still so surreal.

Much love to you all!!! Here is to another happy and healthy 20ish weeks.

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6 thoughts on “Reflections on 20 weeks of Pregnancy

  1. This is such a wonderful post! I finally got my positive after 4 donor egg IVF transfers and we are almost 6 weeks now. You are so spot-on about everything… and I think one thing I would add is having been on the IVF drugs for so long, for me nausea and tiredness aren’t much different than what I’ve been experiencing for the last year-and-a-half of treatments! It’s a weird thing to say that I feel like kind of a badass having fought this hard to get where I am, but whatever keeps me positive I will take as we wait for our first ultrasound in 9 days.

    I especially appreciate the encouragement to go ahead and celebrate! My husband and I definitely are while also having that mixed “cautious optimism”… once we see it on camera I think we will cheer a little louder.

    On the diet thing it’s actually funny as I am an emotional eater but since finding out I was pregnant, without trying I’ve been so good! Of course I’m very aware that this all may change 🙂 but like you said I’m happy being nauseous and tired and whatever else comes with it!

    • First of all Congrats that is such amazing news for you! I am wishing you the best for your ultrasound! Its such a big moment!
      Yes you are a badass. A warrior princess even.
      I totally understand being cautiously optimistic. At the same time you have to celebrate your victories and what you have right now. Wishing you the best!!!!! xoxo

  2. Love, love, love this post and I’m so happy you’re choosing to be public with this pregnancy so I can follow along. My infertility Sisters are the one group that I never get upset or feel jealous of their pregnancies.

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