Compromised

Social Media is so powerful.  I am so grateful for the ways that blogging plus social media has been able to connect me to so many amazing women going through infertility.  Seriously what a blessing that has been the past three years of blogging.

I honestly wasn’t really sure what would happen to my blog after my pregnancy.  I have loved having this as a safe space to deal with the struggles of infertility and now pregnancy and was hoping that could extend to parenthood as well.  I wasn’t totally sure how that would work given that I know for some still in the throes of infertility seeing posts of babies and parenting can be difficult, however I have always loved to hear about the next chapter for those who were finally able to realize the dream of parenthood.

I decided early on not to share this space with my real life friends and family (except you D, for obvious reasons), because I did not want to have to sensor what I was writing.  Three years ago when I started my blog I was just trying to figure everything out.  I was overwhelmed and confused.  I was constantly hearing the typical comments from those friends and family such as just relax or go on vacation.  Those people who wanted to support me didn’t know how, and I didn’t know how to let them.  They didn’t get it.  They didn’t understand the science of it all, the emotion of it all, the cost of it all, or the true struggle I was going through.  I needed an outlet and this was it.  It was like free therapy to just write it all out and have it read by an audience that really understood.  My response to each friend or family member that unknowingly said something insensitive needed to be individualized to that person, not something that I distributed over the internet for my whole real life community to read about.  For that reason, and many more, I decided my blog needed to be separate.

With that said, this blog, my safe space, has been compromised to eyes that were not meant to see it.

Thanks in part to Instagram’s new update meant to connect us with more people, my insta account, and by extension my blog address, were made known to people I did not want to have this access.  Truthfully I am very open to my friends about my journey.  Over the years I have found ways to share with people and handle the possibly uneducated or hurtful comments that might come, and provide appropriate feedback.  My journey to pregnancy through ART is not a secret, but it’s also not something I put on Facebook.  I believe for this particular part of my life that a personal conversation serves much better than a social media interaction with friends and family.  Further, for professional reasons, I needed to keep my experience with infertility private from social media.

While my blogging insta account was not connected to my Facebook, last name, or my regular email address, I did make it so that I would be able to switch between my primary insta account and my blog insta account without logging out.  This somehow made it so the blogging account would come up as suggested account to my primary account followers.  I have made my blogging insta account private, which I really did not want to do, and blocked those people who have followed the account from my real life.  If you are one of them, it’s not personal.  I am not hiding anything from you.  That account is for me, and I still post updates on my regular account.  I also found that people who I don’t actually know, but are connected to me through others, have discovered the account, which is the bigger issue.   I am not hiding anything, as would be obvious by the posts I have made, however I doubt that you have decided to follow my blogging account because you are interested in my journey.

With that said, I will continue to post pregnancy updates every other week(ish) as I have been.   I will continue for now to post to my blogging insta account which is now private.   After that, I don’t know what will become of this blog or that account.  Maybe I will start a new one.  Maybe I will just stop blogging out of sleep deprivation.  Maybe I will just use my primary insta account.

As far as past posts, I may make some of those private, but I had really hoped that this blog could be a resource for those just starting their own journey with infertility as so many other blogs were for me.  I do know that I do not want this blog, my story, to be the source of gossip for others.  Since my audience has now changed, I will tell you, if that is how you choose to use it, shame on you.

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4 thoughts on “Compromised

  1. I’m sorry your blog got compromised. Although I’m pretty open with you guys about who I am, very few people in my real life know I have an infertility blog and none of them have been given the blog name or website. Sending you much love, my Friend and hope you will keep blogging!

  2. I am sorry! I had a very similar experience a couple years ago and felt the need to make a new blog (the current one). It was really hurtful just because of how it was handled. Some friends do have the address to this one, but family does not (which was the problem!). We will all follow if you start a new one. I know for me it was the best decision. Hugs.

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