Moving Forward

There was a time not that long ago that all I wanted was to be a mom. I was already a stepmom but its not the same. My stepson already has a mom. I wanted a child that would call me mom. And now here I am, with two beautiful girls. Before I got to this point I never really thought about what I would do with this space where I have shared so many personal and emotional moments of my journey to get here. Having this space was a huge part of my journey. It brought me a lot of positive things. An outlet, a support system, and even new friends. I hope it is a resource for other people who are struggling with infertility.

I may be a mom now, but I am still infertile. With the help of science and the grace of God I overcame infertility but this part of me didn’t just disappear because I had my girls. I am still one in eight. I still feel it in my heart when someone says something insensitive or ignorant about infertility. My heart still hurts for those still struggling and waiting. I know how I feels. I didn’t forget that five years of waiting and praying hurts. I didn’t forget how it feels when everyone else seems to get pregnant by just looking at their husband.

All of the years of infertility are still a big part of who I am as a person and as a mother, but my day-to-day focus has now turned to something completely new. Being a mom. Actually, more specifically, being a mom of twins. I feel that this space I created to document my journey with infertility isn’t the right place to document my journey as a mom of multiples. Lately I feel like I have a lot to say and share, but I have had a hard time doing it here. I want to be sensitive. I have always loved reading about the success stories of others. It gave me hope. I also recognize that not everyone feels that way. I am so grateful that I have finally gotten to this place, and there is a whole new kind of crazy wonderful part of my life I want to share, but I have created a new place to do it. If you are interested in following the next chapter of my story please follow me here

 

www.ThatTwinMamaLife.wordpress.com and/or

Instagram at ThatTwinMamaLife

Just a heads up I’m still working on the content so it may be a week or so before things get totally up and running!

Thank you everyone for following me here and offering so much support.

Three and a Half Months

The girls will be 15 weeks tomorrow.  That is absolutely insane.  I cannot even believe how fast this has gone.  I am treasuring every single second with them this week because next week I will be back at work.  I am not complaining because I know how absolutely blessed I am that I have a good job with EXCELLENT health insurance.  I am not complaining because I was able to take 5 months off including what I had to take beforehand due to the risk of preterm labor.  I am not complaining because the girls will be in excellent hands with our Au Pair who has already spent the last 6 weeks helping me take care of them.  I know how insanely blessed I am to have all of this but going back to work is going to be hard.  I just can’t imagine not being with them all day.  Even when they are grouchy and crying I don’t mind.  I just have this huge ball of anxiety in my stomach about what Monday will be like.  And Tuesday……Tuesday will be torture because on my second day back I have to fly to Souther California for a mandatory meeting.  IF everything goes on schedule I will be gone for 15 hours and I will hopefully be home to put them to bed.  HOPEFULLY.  My heart is breaking just thinking about it.  

The girls are doing awesome.  As long as they are on their schedule they are very happy easy babies who rarely cry.  They sleep about 11 hours straight at night. We always put them down awake and they are able to put themselves to sleep with out crying.  Occasionally they wake up in the middle of a nap.  Baby K just needs a binky and she’s right back out.  Sometimes we have to let baby T cry but she puts herself back to sleep in less than 3 minutes (I set a timer and go in to soothe her if she cries longer than 3 minutes which is RARELY).  

One week shy of 3 months my struggle with breast feeding ended.  I won’t say I gave up……more that I fought like hell and one day there was just nothing.  It was extremely difficult and emotional and honestly I don’t really want to rehash it.  It is probably the only thing that has been disappointing these last three months.

Both girls smile and laugh regularly.  Baby K is much more sensitive and serious but still gives huge smiles.  Baby K is also about a pound heavier and a much better eater than baby T.  They both still hate tummy time.  They are starting to really enjoy playing with toys and they LOVE their Jellycat bunnies that a friend gave them shortly after they were born.  I think these will end up being their “lovey” so I bought a second set just in case (we lost my stepson’s favorite stuffed animal when he was 5 in a hotel…….I searched for hours on eBay and ended up finding a replacement for $60!).  

They went on their first airplane a few weeks ago to Colorado to visit my mom and grandma.  They were excellent on the plane and in the airports.  The hard part was all the stuff we had to haul with us!  I was afraid there schedule would be destroyed and they would stop sleeping all night while we were there.  Napping while we were there was challenging for them but they still slept all night and got right back on track when we got home.

I am currently working on transitioning out of a swaddle.  We still swaddle at night but they have been napping in transitional swaddled.  T uses the Sleep suit which looks ridiculous but she has taken longer naps since using it.  K uses a Halo sleep sack swaddle with one arm out.  They still sleep in pack n plays in our room at night but nap in the cribs.  Honesty I think they would be find to sleep in there room at night but it’s more that I’m not ready.  

They wear size 1 diapers and some 0-3 month clothes and some 3-6.  T is smaller so she fits in more 0-3.  They both wear 3-6 Jammies bc they are so tall.  

The new list of funny things people say:

They are shocked that they don’t look alike even when we tell them they are fraternal

They always want to know if we always put then same one on the top part of the stroller or the same spot in the car (um no).

Older people especially like to tell me how full my hands are or act shocked when I am out with them by myself.

Baby gear must haves:

Lilliebaby carrier and Solly baby wrap

Honest healing balm

Twin Z Pillow

Fisher Price Sit Me Up Seats

City Select Stroller

Jellycat Bunnies!

Baby Brezza (NEWEST LOVE)

Dr Browns Wide Neck Bottles

4Moms Pack n play

Ubbi Diaper Pail

Munchkin Sterilizer

Boon Drying Racks

Two Months!!

Pretty much forever ago I thought….I should write a blog post on how things are going. And then I realized I have twin infants and I would need to substitute sleep to make that happen…and that just wasn’t an option at the time. So fast forward a few weeks and here are a few snippets about how life is going…..in no particular order.

  1. Sickness- So this is cold and flu season….also known as the scariest time ever to have an infant (or two). I also have a 9 year old stepson bringing his germs he gathers at school into my house multiple times a week. I would say 90% of the words out of my mouth to him are “WASH YOUR HANDS!” He actually does a pretty good job when I remind him. And then there is the rest of the world and there germs. I don’t want to be a shut in. I will loose my mind if we don’t get out into the world every now and then, even just to Target. I would love to just take them on a walk….but its rained about 85% of the time since we brought them home from the hospital. So yesterday where did we go on our outing…..THE EMERGENCY ROOM. One of my poor sweet babies spiked a fever over 101 and the pediatrician sent us to the ER. After we waited for 2 hours just to have a nurse take her temp it had of course gone down and she was acting totally normal. We then waited another 2 hours to see a doctor just to be sure. I was feeling super silly (and the nurse made me feel like I had done something incorrectly taking her temp), but after they ran some super traumatic (for me) tests they found via chest X-ray that my brave little 11 week old baby possibly has pneumonia! We won’t know for sure until the cultures come back in 3 days but they started her on antibotics anyway….and today she’s acting normal with no fever but she has a cough. UGH.
  2. Sleeping- So people constantly say to me “Oh wow Twins! You must be so tired”. Except I’m not that tired….anymore. Around 5 weeks they got on a pretty solid schedule. They would wake up twice at night around 1 and 5 am. Then around 7 weeks we would put them down at 9pm and they would wake up around 3 am and then sleep til 8 am. They seemed to really understand bedtime and for the most part would go right to sleep after our nighttime routine, and then go back to sleep right after their middle of the night feeding. We started doing naps in the cribs and those could be a little hit or miss, but once I started using the Ollie Swaddle + the Dock a Tot they were getting much easier to put down for naps. Baby T is a bit of a nap fighter still but we are consistent with them and she’s doing much better. So these people continually told me that I just must be so tired, and I felt guilty saying I really wasn’t. Getting up once in the middle of the night for 30-45 minutes is totally doable. And then three days ago something magical happened. They slept through the night from 9 pm to 7 am. I was sure it was just a fluke. I assumed that they would just start pushing the middle of the night feeding later until eventually it reached actual morning, but that’s not what happened. We had a few middle of the night feedings around 4 or 4:30 am and then it just went to 7 am. And that’s been the case the past 3 nights. Again, I have no idea if this is going to last but I’ll take it right now, especially with my husband out of town this week!
  3. Eating-I have fought really hard to give them breast milk. Breast feeding twins is exceptionally hard if you are taking care of them by yourself for the most part. When they were super small its difficult to tandem feed by yourself because they have so little head control and you only have so many hands. Feeding them one at a time works except if you are by yourself what do you do when you are feeding one and the other is screaming bloody murder? So I pumped so that I could bottle feed them, but every time I started to pump one of them would wake up and scream. It felt like a constant battle. I did/do the best I can. I pump when I can. I made the lactation cookies. I took supplements. I power pumped for days. I just could not be consistent and obviously my already very weak supply got weaker. One breastmilk bottle per day went to every other day and now it’s every three days. But I still pump when I can because I firmly believe that FED is best, but I want to do my best for them so they have some breast milk as well. So they are both on formula primarily, and because they are different babies, they are on different formulas. We have switched baby K’s formula a few times because of her sensitive tummy and constipation issues. T has been doing great on the original formula we started with so no reason to switch her too. At our 2 month check up the pediatrician gave us the okay to give them 2 oz of juice or water every day to help with constipation. We tried water first. They hate it. I mean HATE it with passion. We tried for several days and while I like the idea of them having water more than juice, I don’t want them to start to reject eating and giving them water was just making them so pissed. So we give them juice every few days as needed. So far this has solved the constipation issue.
  4. Working- So there was a time in my life (early 20’s when I was young and so naïve) that I was dead set against ever being a SAHM. I was going to have a career and I just couldn’t stand to sit at home and not work. And 10 plus years into my career I am well aware that working for the man isn’t all I thought it would be back in the day before I had any real life experience. But since my family likes to eat and have nice things like a roof over our heads and the occasional vacation (and diapers and formula for two babies is $$$) I will be going back to work. I am going back to work in the middle of March. It is absolutely stressing me out already. The other day I got really emotional about it. I am sad because I don’t want to miss a moment of these two growing up. When they are napping I miss them. I actually REALLY miss them for that hour-ish they are sleeping. I just want to look at them and talk to them all the time. How will I be away from them for 9 hours a day? What if they need their mommy? What if they don’t eat? What if they won’t nap? So seriously how am I going to be away from them for 9 hours a day???
  5. Childcare- Since I am going to have to rejoin the working world after these joyful months of maternity leave there is the issue of childcare. As you can imagine childcare for two infants isn’t cheap either. After much research we decided to get an AuPair. It is affordable, we have space in our home (barely), and we will not have to worry about taking off work if they are sick and can’t go to daycare, and we won’t have to worry about them getting sick from daycare. We hired our AuPair in November and she arrived a few weeks ago. It has been great to have the extra help, especially since my husband has started to travel for work again, and it gives me the opportunity to spend time with her so I will hopefully feel more comfortable when that dreaded day comes that I have to go back to work. So far it’s been great! She is great with the girls and they really like her. Also because when they are napping she does there laundry and washes the bottles I have actually had time to accomplish things around the house.
  6. Travel- I decided that I should try and take advantage of this time off so we are going to Colorado to visit my mom and grandma. This is probably insane to travel on a plane with them at 3 months old, but it felt scary the first time we left the house with them so let’s just rip the travel band aid off right now. It might have been wiser to start with a shorter flight…but what is the worst that could happen? They could scream for 2 and a half hours and people might clap as we deplane…..but I have always been extremely patient and understanding that people have to travel with babies by plane sometimes and it’s not the babies fault that their ears hurt or that they are out of their element. So hopefully we aren’t sitting next to some A-Hole. I want my babies to meet their great grandma. She’s 87 and you just never know…and I don’t really know when we will have another opportunity to visit. Since we are now a family of five plus the Au Pair we had to rent a minivan (and we have to take both cars to the airport). Thank goodness for my husband’s work travel so we are all flying for free because minivan rentals are $$$. I am praying for a smooth flight and good weather…..and no major delays.
  7. Baby T- Taegan was our baby A. She is exactly the opposite of what I thought she would be when I was still pregnant. She is spunky and outgoing. She smiles all the time and cracks herself up. She is a wiggle worm. She is also tiny compared to her sister. At the 2 month check she was a full pound lighter (9 lbs 14.5oz) and 2” shorter (21”). She is more high maintenance than her sister but is becoming more independent. She is very verbal. She is my nap fighter but has been a good sleeper at night. She loves to look at everything around her and has been very alert since she came home from the hospital. I think she fights naps because she is afraid of missing out on something. She loves bath time and hates tummy time. She also has recently started to like her play mat and the vibrating chair. You have to steal snuggles with her right when she wakes up or right before bedtime otherwise she’s much too busy taking in the sights too snuggle.
  8. Baby K- Kruse was baby B. She is much more shy than her sister. She is a great sleeper at night and at nap time. She loves to cuddle. She is usually content to hang out in the swing or vibrating chair. She is more tolerant of tummy time that her sister but gets over it quickly. It’s hit or miss with the play mat. Almost everything gives her the hiccups which eventually makes her mad. She is noticeably bigger and heavier than her sister. She has the best squishy cheeks ever. She loves to look at our kitchen pot rack. Her favorite toy is a white stuffed bunny rabbit. She spits up much more often than her sister so we rock a bib after meals to avoid multiple outfit changes. She and her sister love to read books before naptime. She isn’t thrilled about bath time but tolerates it for the warm water. She hates the after bath routine because she hates to be cold. She even chatters her little lip. She despises lotion. She has the cutest pouty face you have ever seen. Her stretchy face when she wakes up is equally adorable. She “tells us” she us upset about something before she cries about it. She has a much bigger appetite than her sister and is ready to eat pretty much the minute she wakes up.
  9. Twins- Pretty much everywhere we go people stare at the massive double stroller rolling by them. It doesn’t really bother me and I’ve kind of stopped noticing. What I do notice is that there are twins everywhere! I love how many sets I see out and about! The questions I am asked the most –Are they girls?—Are they identical?—Do twins run in your family?
  10. Non questions people say the most – You must be tired. – You have your hands full.
  11. Being a mommy to these two is more than I could have ever imagined. They are the best.

Hello From the Other Side

So I didn’t mean to go MIA….actually I always hated when I had followed an infertility story for so long and then it went silent when the babies were finally born (I understood but it was just nice to see closure to a long story of such a struggle). So here is my story….or as much of it as I can type before someone wakes up and cries….

Also I do post photos on my Instagram account which at this point is a much better way to follow what is happening with us! Meant_to_be_mommy

Birthday!

On Wednesday, November 23rd, the day before Thanksgiving, Taegan (pronounced TAY-GAN) Quinn and Kruse Morganne made their arrival at exactly 12:22 pm via planned C-Section at 38 weeks 4 days. They were both born in the same minute and things went perfectly. They were both breech so a C-section was my only option, however I had decided around 30 weeks that is what I wanted anyway. It turned out to be a wonderful experience for the most part and was extremely calm and not stressful which is what I wanted. Taegan was 5 lbs 13 oz and 19.5 inches long and Kruse weighed 6 lbs 5 oz and was 20 inches long. Both babies were healthy and did not require any NICU time.

We stayed in the hospital until Saturday afternoon. The morning after the C-section I did suffer one complication when my blood count suddenly dropped and I had a sudden severe headache followed by vomiting and passing out. Thankfully the nurse was there when all of this happened and I received a blood transfusion later in the day. It was all uphill from there. The only other thing I really remember being difficult about the recovery was the extreme itching from the pain medication that is in the spinal they gave me for the C-section. Thankfully that subsided in 24 hours. I have never tolerated pain medication or anesthesia very well, and of course right after they gave me the spinal I threw up. I warned the doctor that this would happen beforehand, and they were able to give me something via IV to make it go away fairly quickly. I only took the pain pills they offered for the first 36 hours. After that I took only the 800mg of Motrin and I was able to handle the pain, which was only really bad when I got up out of bed, but still manageable for me.

Being in the hospital is good because you can have the nurses help you with whatever you need, especially when you are recovering and can’t get out of bed easily (or at all without help). The downside is that they come in constantly. We would finally get both babies sleeping or I would finally fall asleep and a nurse or doctor would come in and have to wake everyone up. This was true 24 hours a day. They wanted to do the most random things with the babies in the middle of the night. It was crazy. Finally the last night we were there the nurse came in at 11 and told us she wasn’t going to come back until 4 am unless we called for her. It was the best news ever.

My mom came a few days before they were born and stayed for 3 weeks. It was the biggest blessing ever. She helped me get so many last minute things done around the house that I wouldn’t have been able to do so pregnant, and she was the best help with the girls when I got home. When I was in the hospital she came during the day so my husband could go rest, and took care of my dog.

The first two weeks are a blur. Our life was lived in 2 hour increments between feedings. I started out exclusively breast feeding. I would nurse for an hour and then have an hour off. It was exhausting. Kruse also was extremely fussy those first days and we thought she might be reacting to something in my milk from what I was eating. I cut out dairy and I already don’t drink caffeine. At the first pediatrician appointment neither of the girls had gained any weight back (T was 5 lbs 3 oz and K was 5 lbs 13 oz when we left the hospital). The pediatrician was very concerned especially about T so we came back for another weight check 2 days later. They had both gained about an ounce on the 2 hour feeding schedule. I continued this for a few more days until one night they were both acting starving and I ended up nursing them for 4 hours (alternating between the two of them). My mom suggested the next morning that I try and pump, which we discovered that my supply was not enough to satisfy both girls, so we started supplementing with formula. The first time I gave a formula bottle I sobbed. I am completely believe FED IS BEST, but after infertility it was just so sad that my body was once again failing me. The good news is that after we started supplementing the girls were so much happier. Kruse didn’t cry all the time anymore and they got back up to birth weight at our 2 week check up! I was trying to pump as much as possible, which is so hard with twins even with my mom there to help, and exactly two weeks after they were born I came down with mastitis. I woke up at 3 am with a 103 fever and horrible chills. At the time I thought maybe I had the flu, but the next morning my left breast was red and barely producing anything. I was able to get antibiotics that day but it was devastating supply and I have been trying to build it back ever since.

My mom had to leave a few days later, and so started the adventure of trying to take care of both girls by myself while my husband was at work. Somedays were really hard and others were actually good. Thankfully with the holidays my husband has been able to be off work, and my dad, brother, and his girlfriend came for the past week which was so helpful! The girls are on a very strict schedule now which has made night time much easier. Kruse unfortunately still has tummy issues, especially as my supply has continued to diminish and she gets more formula. I am still wondering if she has a lactose sensitivity. The good news is both girls are gaining weight and doing great. They will be six weeks old on Wednesday which is so hard to believe.

On days when the weather isn’t totally crappy I make sure we get out of the house. We go on walks, or to lunch or dinner. I think its important to make these things feel normal. For the most part all of our outings have gone well. Having them on a schedule has really helped because we can set ourselves up for success. Also they both love to be in the Lillebaby carrier or the Solly baby wrap. Both of these things have been life savers for me. If one of them is fighting a nap I put them in the wrap and she will be out in 10 seconds. They also tend to fall asleep immediately in the carrier.

All in all we wash a lot of bottles and do a lot of laundry but having these girls is the best thing ever. I don’t even remember life before them. Waiting so long for them was hard, some days even excruciating, but they are worth it. I never thought, starting to try to get pregnant in my 20s, that I would be 34 before I finally had a baby, well two babies, but I just feel amazingly blessed to have them at all. Thinking back to this time last year, when I was just getting ready to start birth control for IVF, I cannot even fathom all that happened since. I still remember going through IVF, and how scary it was, and how I didn’t know if we would even have anything to transfer after such a poor result from the stims, but I know now to never lose hope even when it seems there is nothing to hold on too.

Thank you to everyone who has followed my story over the past few years. I have made some amazing friends along the way, and been able to see so many women who have battled infertility win the fight and bring home beautiful babies via pregnancy, surrogacy, adoption, embryo adoption, ect. If you are still in the throes don’t give up. Your day is coming.

XOXO Sara

37 weeks 4 Days!!!!

I can’t believe I made it to this point.  Its surreal.  My pregnancy went incredibly fast.  Everyone keeps asking me if I am just done being pregnant at this point, and really the answer is no.  I mean I am uncomfortable and I am ready to be able to be more independent, and of course I am so excited to meet my girls, but we are not having more kids so this is my only time being pregnant and I am just trying to savor the last few days.  I just don’t want to wish away a minute of this whole experience.

Thank you everyone for all of the support over the past year.  You have been amazing and I am so grateful for you all.

 

How Far along: 37 Weeks 4 Days.   ONE WEEK UNTIL MY C-SECTION

Total Weight Gain: 36 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Yes. Also my husband’s gym shorts and t-shirts around the house or to sleep in.

Movement: Yes. Pretty much all the time.  And lots of hiccups.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: The past few days it has been way better.  I have been able to go to sleep around midnight and sleep for up to 2 and a half hours at a time.  This is magic compared to the previous weeks when I was sleeping only 3-4 broken hours per night.

Best moments:  I am so grateful that my NST’s have gone well. I also had our last meet up with the pregnant moms (until our babies are here) in our twin mom group. I was really uncomfortable but I am so happy I went.

I had my last appointment with my OB this week before the babies arrive.  She told me again that I was meant to carry twins.  I am so insanely grateful for what an easy pregnancy this has been overall, especially after 16 weeks.

Miss Anything: Bending over.   Being able to just do what I need to do without help.

Food Cravings: Still ICE!

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: no

Showing: Yes!

Gender: GIRLS!

Labor signs: A few Braxton hicks here and there but that’s it.  I haven’t had any contractors during my NSTs at all.

Symptoms: Hip pain on the right side. Heartburn. Insomnia. I pretty much can’t sit up straight at all without it hurting.  My back aches when I am on my feet for too long.  Slight swelling in my fingers.

Belly Button: WAY OUT

Wedding Rings: Off

Mood: Overall happy.

Looking Forward to: Meeting my babies in the next week.

 

How Will I….

A few years ago one of my best friends had a baby girl. I still remember going to visit her for the first time, and holding her newborn. She just laid on my chest sleeping, for well over an hour while we talked. She was probably around 10 days new. All I could think was, how does she ever put this sweet baby down? They are only that tiny for a very short time.

Being less than two weeks away from holding my own newborn daughters I can’t imagine putting them down. Once I finally get to hold them in my arms and kiss the top of their sweet little heads how will I let go even for a second? The time I have with them before they start to discover the world around them is so brief. I know the reality is that you have to let go, and let them grow but right now all I can think about is those first days.

There are a lot of scary things about those days. Trying to feed them. Managing my own recovery while taking care of them. Keeping them safe. Adjusting to a new schedule that includes very little sleep. It is all so intimidating. But none of it compares to the thought of just being able to hold them.

Each day we get closer to their arrival it becomes more of a reality (and less of a dream) to be able to hold them in my arms. After waiting 5 years for the opportunity I really don’t know if I will ever be able to put them down.

34 Weeks

I can hardly believe how fast the last two weeks went by. I am so happy to be done with work and officially on maternity leave. It has taken a lot of stress and pressure off. While I will say my boss has been very supportive of me my entire pregnancy on my last day of work he asked me if I was looking forward to my “vacation”. Sigh.

My NSTs have been going well. It is very reassuring to see everything is going well with the babies. Starting next week I believe I will be seeing my OB every week as well.

I am slowly getting some things done around the house. I have the most energy at night when everyone is sleeping and I have to be quiet!

The biggest news is that my C-Section is scheduled for Nov 23rd! It’s so nice to have an actual date scheduled, if they don’t decide to come earlier. My hospital bag is about 75% packed. Really I just need to go through and organize everything.

 

How Far along: 34 Weeks tomorrow

Total Weight Gain: 28 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Yes. I found some maternity leggings I apparently bought earlier this summer from Old Navy in a drawer. My regular leggings still fit but were getting a little more snug. Honestly I hate the maternity leggings. I have basically no butt and they just fall down!   I have been sleeping in my husband’s athletic shorts and t-shirts which works great, but having to but real clothes on to leave the house during the day has been a real bummer. Otherwise I have bought a few things for the hospital this week, including two PJ sets with button down tops and some extra PJ pants at Old Navy (in men’s because I have long legs!).

Movement: Yes. All the time. These babies are very active and constantly switching positions. They move so much during the NSTs a nurse usually has to hold on the monitor to at least one of them. NST tests have taken anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours just because they won’t stay on the monitor.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Right now it’s about 1 am and I’m wide awake. I seem to sleep the best from about 5 am to 8 am. Even with no nap all day I can’t sleep at night.

Best moments:  Finally being on maternity leave. It was a huge relief to not have to worry about the stress of work. My office had a really nice send off for me which was awesome. This week it’s been great not to have to worry about having anywhere to be first thing in the morning.

Last Friday I also had a nice dinner with a bunch of pregnant moms from my local twin mom group. I almost didn’t go because we weren’t meeting until 7pm and it was a super rainy day. I am so happy I got myself out. I had a great time catching up with everyone. There were 4 of us and we are all due within 1 week of each other.

Miss Anything: Just a good night of sleep. And maybe not having to pee every time I stand up.

Food Cravings: Still ICE!

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Only if I try to do too much or don’t eat enough.

Showing: Yes!

Gender: GIRLS!

Labor signs: No

Symptoms: I haven’t had any contractions since going on Maternity leave which is great. Unfortunately I have some kind of issue with my right hip/leg. I think it’s a pinched nerve or something. It has gotten slightly better the past few days but sometimes I stand up and I can’t walk or move my leg. I had my acupuncturist treat it and I’ve been trying to rest which seems to be helping. I am not great at just sitting around when there are things to be done though!

I have also started itching really badly on my arms and legs. I know this can be a symptom of a bigger issue so I plan to talk to my doctor about it on Monday.

Belly Button: WAY OUT

Wedding Rings: Off

Mood: I found myself quickly losing my patience my last week of work. I have been a little more emotional but overall I am happy!

Looking Forward to: I am just looking forward to the next few weeks of nesting and getting ready for my babies to get here.

 

Thirty Two Weeks!

I am so blown away at how well I am feeling at 32 weeks.  Working a modified schedule the past two weeks was a total game changer for me.  Being able to rest more during the week has helped me tremendously.  This is my last week of work which I am grateful for and totally ready to be done, but I am so appreciative that I was able to work it out with my employer to work from home more the past two weeks.  It made a huge difference!

I am currently going in for non-stress tests at the hospital twice a week.  So far they are going great, and its really nice to just lay there and listen to the heart beats for 30 mins or so.  It is such great reassurance.  I am seeing my OB every two weeks, and she told me today I will start seeing her every week after my next appointment which will be at 34 weeks.

The plan right now is to have a C-section at 38 weeks.  Scheduling this is supposed to be in the works so hopefully we will have our date soon.  It just blows me away that they will be here in six weeks or less.

At home we are mostly ready.  The nursery just needs a few finishing touches.  Most of our baby gear is put together.  I am going to get my car cleaned (inside and out) next week and then we will install the bases for the car seats.  My hospital bags are also mostly packed.  I took a breastfeeding class at the hospital last week which was a good starting point for information.  This is probably the thing I’m the most nervous about.  I was told by a nurse during my NST that the minimum time I will be in the hospital with twins/C-section is 4 nights, so hopefully the lactation consultants will be able to get us started on the right foot!

 

How Far along: 32 Weeks + 3 Days

Total Weight Gain: 25 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Yes but I can still wear my regular athletic shorts, leggings, and maxi skirts. Some maternity shirts are too short now though!  I was adamant that I wasn’t going to buy any more maternity clothes but I did break down and get two long sleeved tops at target and some bigger underwear last week.

Movement: Yes. All the time. These babies are very active and constantly switching positions. I can tell baby B is going to be my feisty one though!

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Pretty terrible at night. I sleep best between 2 and 6 am or from 3pm-5pm (when I am able to get a nap in).

Best moments:  My baby shower at 3o weeks was really nice. My friends did such a nice job and it was so blown away about how many people were able to make it. Almost every got us really useful gifts (instead of clothes/blankets!) so we are almost completely ready for the girls to arrive.

I was also able to meet up with two friends who weren’t able to make it to the shower. One is also pregnant with twins via IVF and it has been the most special thing that we can share our twin pregnancy after years of dealing with infertility together. My other friend went through IVF for both of her daughters and recently found out she is pregnant by complete surprise!

Also this morning we had a scan at perinatal so we were able to see the babies. They are both doing amazing as baby A is 4 lbs 9oz and baby B is 5 lb 2 oz. Both are looking perfect! It’s hard to believe I already have almost 10 lbs of baby in there!

There has just been so much great stuff going on the past two weeks!

Miss Anything: Just a good night of sleep. And maybe not having to pee every time I stand up.

Food Cravings: ICE ICE ICE ICE. I am obsessed with ice. Also cinnamon sticks from a local pizza place and onion rings.

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Only if I try to do too much or don’t eat enough.

Showing: Yes!

Gender: GIRLS!

Labor signs: No

Symptoms: My Braxton Hicks have slowed WAY down since I started working a modified schedule. I still get heartburn from almost everything and my sleeping is crappy. My hips are really stiff in the morning or when I get up to pee at night which is kind of scary because sometimes I feel like I am going to fall over right when I stand up. I still have a hard time with sitting straight up for long periods of time or standing up for long periods of time. A maternity support belt is extremely helpful for everyday things like cooking/cleaning up or trips to Target ect when I am on my feet.

Belly Button: WAY OUT

Wedding Rings: Off

Mood: Really happy. Someone asked me to today if I am just ready to get them out and I was like “no way!” I don’t mind being uncomfortable or tired (yet) and I completely see how people miss being pregnant. I mean the first tri was really rough but all of the less than pleasant symptoms are completely manageable and I just love feeling them move around.

Looking forward to: Maternity leave starting! This is my last week of work and I am ready to be done and focusing totally on last minute things to get us totally ready. I am also looking forward to be able to rest/nap more during the day to make up for the lack of sleep at night.

 

30 Weeks

It is blowing my mind that these little nuggets will be here in 8 weeks or less. The weeks are just flying by faster than I can even count them.

The third trimester is kicking my butt so far. Obviously it is totally worth whatever I have to endure but this girl is exhausted and so uncomfortable. Working has gotten a lot more difficult, especially in the afternoon when the Braxton Hicks kick in. My doctor said she usually has her twin patients stop working at 30 weeks.   I am trying to stretch it to 32 but we will see. I definitely don’t want to go into early labor from overdoing it. The people covering my job while I am out are starting to take over on some of my projects which is really helpful just to keep the stress level down.

I see the OB every other week right now and my next appointment is the 28th. We have started to discuss birth plans. Because the babies are so active it is very hard to tell if I would even be able to try to delivery vaginally. They both need to be head down and the bigger baby needs to be in the primary position to be delivered first. Right now they are all over the place. Even if that does end up being an option for me I am leaning toward a C-section. I have a lot of feelings both ways, but ultimately I am scared of having a double recovery if the second baby flips after the first is born and has to be taken via emergency C-Section. I would like to avoid having a double recovery. My second concern is that my system is very sensitive to pain meds and doesn’t tend to react well. I am weighing my options (if I even have them at all) but it’s a difficult decision.

On a lighter note my nursery is making some progress. I really wanted it to be done by this weekend, which is never happening. I really don’t like having to rely on other people to help with things (due to me not being able to lift things or bend over easily). While I love my husband to death he is not handy at all so we have had to recruit friends to help with stuff. I am down to just needing to have some things hung on the walls but we haven’t had schedules line up to actually get someone to help us. On my good days I have also had major nesting urges and have completely organized our bathroom and pantry. These are the times I wish my mom lived close because she would be able to help me with stuff. I am super grateful she’s coming for a few weeks when the babies are born but I could really use her now too! I really want things to be organized before the babies get here and its stressing me out!

 

 

How Far along: 30 Weeks (on Saturday)

Total Weight Gain: About 20 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: YES! Thankfully my regular leggings, athletic shorts, and maxi skirts still fit, but some of my maternity shirts are too short already! I pretty much wear the same 5 things to work….mostly comfortable dresses. I did find that I need to buy some new underwear because I only have about 6 pair that still fit!

Movement: Yes. All the time. These babies are very active and constantly switching positions.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Absolutely horrible. I sleep in my recliner most of the time now because I am able to sleep for longer stretches of time without waking up and I have less heartburn issues if I do. Still I am surviving on 4-6 hours of interrupted sleep per night. Sleeping for a 2 hour stretch is a major win.

Best moments:  I was able to see the babies twice in the past two weeks. We had a growth scan last Monday which was the best birthday present possible. Both babies are thriving, and Baby B is in the 91st percentile for size at 3 lbs 5 oz. Baby A was 2 lbs 15 oz and in the 61st percentile for size. At the time of the scan baby B was head down and baby A was breech. My OB did a quick ultrasound two days later and they had totally flipped. Baby A was now head down and B was breech. I can pretty much guarantee they are in totally different positions now with all the moving they do!

Miss Anything: Just a good night of sleep. And maybe not having to pee every time I stand up.

Food Cravings: My days or eating anything spicy are OVER for now as my heart burn is so horrible, which really sucks. I am still enjoying iced tea every few days, and I have discovered I can make shaved ice in my Nutribullet. I literally just eat the ice (no flavoring) and I love it! Its so refreshing!   I don’t know there is anything else I am craving regularly.  I am only able to eat small amounts at a time.

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Still some motion sickness here and there and I randomly will get really nauseous if I overdo it. And by that I mean I have gotten sick from just getting ready in the morning for work, and bringing groceries in from the car.

Showing: Yes!

Gender: GIRLS!

Labor signs: No

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks EVERYDAY. Usually around 2 or 3pm they come on. Exhausted all the time. Heartburn. Just VERY uncomfortable all the time. Lower back pain. Out of breath super easily.

Belly Button: WAY OUT

Wedding Rings: Off

Mood: Happy. Tired. Major desire to NEST.

Looking forward to: My baby shower this weekend! Getting the nursery done (which seems like a never ending project).

28 Weeks!

Third trimester! What?!?! How did that happen?

My last OB appointment was last week, but I now go every other week so I will have another one next week. I also had my gestational diabetes screening this week (I passed!). We have another growth scan on Monday (which is my birthday!) so it will be fun to see the babies and how big they are now.

We were able to take a little getaway to Newport Beach over Labor Day weekend. It was perfect to hang out by the pool and relax for a few days, however how that I am back to real life I am feelings very behind on everything and don’t quite have the energy to get caught up.

This weekend we have our maternity photos and my stepson’s birthday party as well as his first soccer game of the season. I was really hoping to have my nursery like 80% complete by my shower (which is at 30 weeks) but with how busy we are I have no idea how that is going to happen.

 

How Far along: 28 Weeks

Total Weight Gain: Up 18 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight

Maternity Clothes: Yes but I can still fit in my regular maxi skirts and leggings.

Movement: Yes! Baby B is super active most of the day and Baby A likes to rock and roll at night.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Horrible. See below.

Best moments:  Just when I finally relax at the end of the day feeling the babies squirm around.

Miss Anything: Nothing major.  Sleeping comfortably!

Food Cravings: Iced Tea. I’ve also been wanting just a small piece of chocolate before bed.

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Just some motion sickness issues. Otherwise I have been feeling pretty good (knock on wood!)

Showing: Yes!

Gender: Girls!

Labor signs: No. I do get Braxton Hicks if I overdo it. It goes away when I sit in the recliner with my feet up.  I got them really bad yesterday and it was the closest I’ve come to going to the hospital.  Thankfully they finally stopped after a few hours of laying down and relaxing.

Symptoms: I still get tired/winded really fast.   I have to sit down and put my feet up/recline to be comfortable. Sleep is the worst. I get heartburn around 2 am most nights, which turns into hours of insomnia. I also have restless legs now so falling asleep is really difficult. And then there is the leg cramps in the night even though I drink ridiculous amounts of water.  Oh and nose bleeds!

Belly Button: OUT

Wedding Rings: Off

Mood: A lot more emotional. I have burst in to tears over the littlest things which is very unlike me.