You Can’t Change It (IVF Update)

I am a realist. It’s just who I am to my core. It doesn’t mean that I am negative, but that I like to know every possible way something could go, and what the odds are for each scenario. I also like to have a plan. And a plan B…and C…I do not like to be caught off guard.

There is a huge difference, at least in my head, of knowing what could happen, and actually experiencing it play out in your own life. There was a time, when we first started trying, that I knew there was a possibility there could be an issue, but even as I started to see my OB and my RE I didn’t actually think there would be a problem. Those first few months with the RE, having surgery, getting diagnosed with endometriosis, and experiencing 3 back-to-back failed IUI’s I felt pretty blindsided most of the time. Still with each obstacle or failure I went into the next thing believing that it could be successful. Even though the odds of getting pregnant from and IUI are small it does work for a lot of people, and I fully believed I could be one of them. When it didn’t work out I was disappointed, but not surprised.

When we started fertility treatments I thought we would do 6 IUI’s before moving onto IVF. After the first three failed we made the decision to try one more with injectables. Because the cost was so much higher for an IUI cycle with injectables it didn’t really make sense to try it more than once. I thought, at the time, if that cycle weren’t successful and our next step was IVF, that I would completely breakdown. It had been a long year, changing jobs, my grandpa passing away, and my dad getting sick. When we finally did the IUI, and it failed, I don’t even remember crying. I just felt kind of numb, and went on with life. As much as I wanted it, I couldn’t change the outcome, and the odds were not in our favor.

More than being upset about the cycle failing, I was concerned that I only produced ONE follicle using the more powerful drugs (Gonal F), which was the exact same response I had to taking Femara. During our consult for IVF a few weeks later the doctor assured me that this would not be a concern because I was on such a low dose. For someone my age they expected to get at least 15 eggs.

This is the part where I continue to remind myself that I cannot change the decisions I made, or the way things have played out. If only I had known, right?

We decided to take a year off from treatment. I wasn’t mentally ready to do IVF, and I wanted to be able to pay cash rather than finance the cost. We spent the year (especially me) focusing on improving our health. I lost weight. I purged our home of chemical products. I replaced many plastic products in the kitchen that could be leaching BPA. I changed every single product I put on my body. I started using oils instead of pills when possible. I started acupuncture. I cut a huge amount of sugar out of my diet, learned new REAL food recipes, and as IVF got closer cut out caffeine and alcohol completely. While all of these things are very positive changes and regardless of what happens I will continue to do them for probably the rest of my life, as far as my fertility is concerned, they did not make an impact.

A year later when I walked into the fertility clinic to start IVF, this time excited and ready, I was, again, blindsided by the AMH results and a much lower antral follicle count from the year prior. But I was told by basically everyone that I just needed to be positive. Everything would be fine. I asked the doctor about the result (because she never brought it up to me so I had to ask her about it) and she just told me that it was “kind of low” and she had adjusted my protocol to account for it. The only person that acknowledged that there could be an issue was my nurse, and I honestly really appreciated it. Everyone else, including my husband, just told me to “be positive”.

So I tried to push it out of my head, or at least to the back. I didn’t bring it up anymore because everyone make me feel like I was upset about nothing. I was tired of being told to be positive when I felt that I had a legitimate concern. I knew I couldn’t change what was going to happen, and of course I hope(d) for the best, but I just didn’t understand why no one wanted to admit that, given the information we now had, there could be an issue with the number and quality of the eggs they would be able to retrieve.

The first few days of stims were significantly more difficult for me than the last. I felt pretty crappy and exhausted and I started to feel really full/bloated. And then on Tuesday it all went away. At first I gave my acupuncture credit for feeling so good. My E2 level taken on Tuesday (CD7) was 950 which from what the nurse told me, and what I researched online seemed to be a good number for where I was in stims. Wednesday I started to feel worried because the full feeling I had previously had completely gone away. I actually felt totally normal. I just pushed it out of my mind because I knew if I said something I would be told again, to just “be positive”, and with all of the extra hormones pumping thru my body I might lose my shit.

Thursday I went in for monitoring. I felt a little anxious. I had a hard time sleeping the night before but I was still in a light happy mood. I was sincerely praying for 10 follicles. I thought that seven or eight might be more realistic given my antral follicle count was 10. As soon as she started the ultrasound and went to the right side I started to feel panic. Three follicles. There was another that was about ¼ the size of the three, and one that was so smalls he couldn’t measure it. And then the left side. Two follicles. And another that was too small to measure. So five follicles. The doc also confirmed that they were all mature and that I would trigger that night which was a complete surprise to everyone.

I was honestly shocked. I got dressed and they moved me to another room to wait for the nurse. It took her a while to get everything in order because my retrieval wasn’t expected until next week. I sat there, letting the information sink in. Five. Just Five. I text my husband, and my good friend D who has also done IVF. The nurse and I went over instructions and final medications that needed to be taken, but she had to wait to schedule the exact time until later in the morning. She gave me a hug and told me she would call me later. I called my husband to give him more information about what had transpired, to let him know he would need to find time to clean out the pipes as soon as possible (awkward because it was on a business trip in meetings all day), and to plan what we would do with my stepson on Friday night/Saturday morning since he could not come with us. Our conversation was brief.

I headed into the office and in the 30 minute car ride I could feel the tears welling up. I wasn’t crying because I lost hope or because I thought this was the end. It most definitely is not the end. But after being told so many times to ignore all of the not-so-great things that have happened the past few months in the name of positivity, I needed to acknowledge that this was not good news.

I promise you I totally understand that it only takes one. I am praying that we have one. I know that is 100% possible and I have not given up on that. Two feels like a dream come true.

Tomorrow morning we will go in and see what happens. I know I can’t change it. I can’t control it. I have prayed for it and I have done everything I could do.

For now…To be continued……

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Stims Day Five

Hello from day 5 of stims (day 7 of microdose Lupron). I thought I would just give a little update on how things are going 5 days in….

Currently I take 4 shots per day, every 12 hours. In the morning I take Lupron, injected into my thigh, and Gonal-F, injected into my stomach. The Gonal-F injection is a breeze. The pre-filled pens are super easy-peasy to use and the injection doesn’t hurt. The only thing I really notice is that now that I’ve been doing it for a few days, along with Menopur that also goes in my stomach, the needle hurts a little more going in. I think that’s because my tummy is beginning to feel like a pin cushion.

The Lupron hurts like hell. The needle is fine, but the actual medicine being injected is awful. Thankfully after about 5 or 10 minutes it goes away.

At night I take the Lupron again, in the opposite leg, and also Menopur. Menopur must be mixed which isn’t super complicated, but I seem to have issues getting it to draw into the syringe every time. I have tried both the mixing needle and the Q caps. For what it’s worth I prefer the needle to mix. The injection itself hurts, and it is more difficult to inject than the Gonal-F. The pain does go away in a few minutes thankfully.

As far as side effects go…..mornings are the worst. I feel great when I wake up, and then about 10 am I start to feel really groggy. This started the first day I took the Gonal-F. It’s hard for me to focus and I often get a headache as well. I have also had some odd pain in my jaw around this time and right before I go to bed. A few times I have experienced some dizziness, which has only happened when I was being active (going on a walk or doing housework). I am pretty sure this is from the Lupron because the first time it happened I hadn’t started stims yet. I feel bloated and unfortunately this has led to some gas as well. I have also had a few hot flashes.

I spent my weekend away at the Oregon Coast where I was able to relax a lot and take naps. Being at work today has been difficult but doable. I am a little nervous about how I will be able to handle things as the week goes on, but I am just taking things one day at a time.

Tomorrow is my first lab to check my estrogen and Thursday I go in for an ultrasound to monitor progress. Prayers are appreciated!

He’s Got This

Today I was cleared to start my IVF meds.  It doesn’t even feel like it is real.  The last month of BCP (take 2) went incredibly fast. Even the last few days of waiting for AF didn’t feel like waiting.  I had so much going on that this morning I finally noticed that AF hadn’t arrived yet…..and then about 30 minutes later there she was.

I went to work as normal and called my nurse at 8:30.  She was called me back around 10:15 and I went into the office for a baseline at 11:45.  Last month I had all sorts of butterflies and anxiety but today I have been completely calm.   When Dr. S. confirmed I had no cysts I felt happy, but I sort of expected to feel instant anxiety about starting the meds but I really felt calm.  Talking with my nurse to go over my appointments afterwards I even mentioned to her how at peace I felt and that it was really surprising.

I felt so upset last month when things didn’t work out but I can honestly say it was for the best.  In the past 21 days I have had a lot of fun, and I have been able to completely relax.  I know I am just starting the hard part and there is no telling how I will feel in a few days but right now I am just happy to say that I am good and I feel ready.  I have totally relinquished control to God.  He’s got this.

For those that are interested in the technical stuff….tomorrow I will start my microdose Lupron (2x per day).  Thursday, in addition to the Lupron, I will be taking Gonal-F (AM) and Menopur (PM).  I will go in for my first labs to test my estrogen on Tuesday March 8th, and my first monitoring ultrasound on March 10th!

****Here are a few pics from my Friday at Lake Tahoe.  It was one of those perfectly still mornings and the lake was like glass.  We just sat and took it all in for a few hours.   I am so grateful to have had that moment to reflect and relax.

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Game Paused? (Updated)

Infertility is a rollercoaster. There are loops ahead that you just don’t see coming. Road blocks in your path that could derail you at any moment.

Honestly I expected my baseline appointment yesterday to just be a formality. One hundred percent of me believed there would not be an issue. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT WRONG. I have a cyst. The doc called it a functional cyst, and thanks to Dr. Google I now understand that a functional cyst is caused by a follicle that doesn’t property release an egg and seals itself off causing a cyst. I had an ultrasound in December and at that time, no cyst. I have now had two cycles, one on BCP and one not, and now I have a cyst.

So what does this mean? That depends. They immediately took my P4 (progesterone) and E2 (estrogen) levels via blood test. Since it was 5pm the results will be back sometime this morning.

If my E2 is high and my P4 is low, I go pick up another pack of BCP and take them for 21 more days and hope the cyst goes away.

If my P4 is high and my E2 is low, the doc thinks that what I am experiencing right now isn’t actually my period and I have to wait for a “true” period for my body to naturally shed the cyst. I promise you this is my period. This result is the most unlikely.

If both are high, I go on BCP.

And then there is the desired result….both are low. IF both come back low I can go in this afternoon and have the cyst aspirated (drained) and move forward with Lupron tonight. From what the nurse described to me, having a cyst aspirated is similar to what they do for a retrieval. They go in with a needle via ultrasound and drain the cyst (which is on my ovary) by going through the wall of my uterus. The largest difference procedurally between the two is the time it will take, and the fact that I will be doing it the “natural” route…..nothing for the pain. And there will be pain.

There is one other little complication in all of this….my nurse is off today and tomorrow is the only day this week that I absolutely cannot miss work at all for the entire day because my boss is flying into town first thing in the morning and we are touring properties together. That means if my levels come back low I have to have the cyst aspirated this afternoon. And I’m relying on another nurse to help make that happen. It’s sort of amazing to me that they already scheduled out my next three monitoring appointments for next week, but they would not just pencil in an appointment for me today just in case I need to come in. Right now I’m just hoping and praying that the levels come back low and that by the time we have the results there are still appointments available.

This is the kind of anxiety that the fertiles do not understand. Sure I get the big picture. I understand that this may just be a month delay and it’s not the end of the world. Believe me, I get that. But seriously I have been mentally preparing myself for this cycle for a while now. It felt like forever just to get here and now we have only just started and there is already a complication. And even if it works out I still have to go in for a painful procedure, and try to juggle my life and career around all of this.

Deep breaths. Lots of prayers. This may be a long morning.

Update:

The results are in and as it goes with infertility the least likely situation is the way its turned out.  My E2 levels were good and low.  My p4, however, was higher than they wanted.  They like to see anything under 2 and mine was 2.88.

The plan is to retest on Friday and aspirate the cyst as well.  If the P4 level is good I will be able to start Lupron on Friday and Stims on Sunday.  Lots of prayers please!!!

 

Game On- CD1

Game on baby.  Let’s do this.

Today is CD 1 of my very long awaited IVF cycle. The 21 days of birth control went really quickly. The 3 since stopping the pill and waiting for AF to arrive….eternity. She actually made her entrance last night while I was making dinner. I might have squealed like a little girl and immediately Snapchatted the news to two of my besties (Don’t worry…it was just a selfie making a funny face). Obviously at exactly 8:30 when my clinic switches on their business hours phone system I dialed my nurse to share the news with her as well. Unfortunately she wasn’t standing by the phone awaiting my call so I had to leave a message and I headed to acupuncture.

Usually acupuncture really chills me out. Last week I actually feel asleep. This week I just laid there wondering if I was missing the call from my nurse. I mean I did relax some, but not to the usual level of Zen magic I get from my sessions. Of course the nurse did call ten minutes into my appointment but honestly that’s a good thing because I would have been disappointed if I didn’t have a message from her. When I called back, it turns out this time she was waiting for my call. She actually answered and then put me on hold to finish a phone call. I am scheduled to come in this afternoon at 4 for my baseline.

On a separate note, my medication arrived last Friday. Opening that HUGE box of meds was actually really overwhelming and gave me some anxiety. I mean how is it possible that all of it goes into my body in such a short period of time? For the time being the entire top shelf of my fridge is reserved for fertility meds. Honestly it does keep me from wanting to open the refrigerator very often to have them just staring at me.

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I am also feeling super blessed to have some really wonderful people in my life who have been checking up on me, sending me cards, an adult “swearword” coloring book, and this beautiful necklace from Desirae. My heart is so full knowing these people are thinking of me.

 

While it’s so exciting to be moving forward it’s also overwhelming and stressful. I am so thankful for your prayers and positive thoughts! XOXO

Officially Official

Tomorrow I start BCP. So it’s like officially official. IVF is happening. Also making it real….the huge check I dropped off this morning. Cue the anxiety.

Next Friday I will have my injection training, turn in all consent forms, DH will give his back up sample, and I will have a hysteroscopy. If the hysteroscopy is clear of any cysts, polyps, ect. I will be cleared to move forward and my meds will be ordered.

My last day of BCP is 1/29. And then we wait for AF to reappear.

So how am I dealing with all of this? At the moment, surprisingly well. Or at least I am channeling my anxiety in a productive way.

I do feel very anxious at times for sure. I have gone into ultra-nesting mode at home. Seriously everything must be organized. All of this pent up nervous energy I have actually made putting away Christmas decorations less of a bummer than usual. Actually it was a project to be conquered. I even purged to the Goodwill pile and everything is overly organized and labeled.

I have boxes upon boxes of stuff I was considering putting in a garage sale, but honestly I think my energy is better served in other areas so this weekend DH will be taking it to Goodwill and out of my precious storage space in the garage.

My goal is to focus on one room at a time over the next few weeks and get things in order. Goals for this weekend include:

Meal prep

Cleaning and Organizing the laundry room (which includes all cleaning products)

Making laundry soap

Taking boxes to Goodwill

The key seems to be to stay busy because times like now, when I am at work, not busy, and chained to my desk, are the worst!

I hope everyone has a super weekend!

Hello 2016

 

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IMG_2816IMG_2799IMG_2786IMG_2774IMG_2766Happy New Year dear blog friends. I hope you had a lovely weekend ringing in the new with friends and family. I was so fortunate to spend NYE with my husband, stepson, aunt and uncle in Portland. The men cooked a scrumptious dinner of fresh pasta and shrimp scampi. We enjoyed a champagne toast at 11pm and tossed a list of 2016 wishes and 2015 forgottens into the fire. We went to bed around 11:30 pm which was far too late, especially for my stepson, but you only live once right!

We started off the New Year at OMSI, a really wonderful children’s science museum in Portland. OMSI has several hands on exhibits and experiments which my stepson absolutely loves. I think he was 5 the first time we brought him and its really awesome to see how much more he understands and how excited he was at 8 years old. Thankfully we arrived in the morning and it wasn’t at all crowded yet. By the time we left just the line to get tickets was really long so we were grateful for our early start.

After lunch at a fun sandwich spot down the street we headed to Salt and Straw, a unique ice cream shop in Portland. We all ordered a scoop of Elvis’s Birthday, which was banana pudding ice cream with peanut butter bacon Oreos. Oh-Em-Gee was it amazing. We capped off our day in Portland with a stop at Powell’s Bookstore downtown. If you haven’t ever been there it’s honestly hard to describe. It’s by far the largest bookstore I have ever been in, with several levels and different rooms. Basically it’s a city block. My stepson was able to find a few really awesome children’s cookbooks (he loves cooking and wants to be a chef) and I bought two adult coloring books! I could spend hours looking around that place!

January second was no less exciting as we headed off to the Columbia River Gorge in search of some winter waterfalls. It was cold and extremely windy but so worth it to see AMAZING waterfalls cascading down icy/snowy cliffs. The most famous is Multnomah Falls, which is actually a double waterfall, but there were some other really cool one’s along the way as well. I added a few pictures of our adventure.

We packed up the car and headed for home on Sunday morning. We woke up to the unfortunate surprise of snow which delayed our drive by 2+ hours due to icy road conditions. The car was so over packed that my pup had to ride in my lap the whole way. Thankfully we made it home safely around 8 pm. We quickly unloaded the car and tried to relax before heading to bed. Unfortunately all of that stuff we unloaded is still sitting in my front room waiting to be unpacked. I have a feeling it’s going to be there until this weekend. I did wash, but not fold, a great deal of laundry, so that is a win right!?!

Monday I actually didn’t mind being back in the office. It was a slow day at work and it allowed me to catch up on bills and some other assorted paperwork. Monday night I attended an egg class at my clinic with the embryologist. I was actually the only person who had signed up for that night so it was great to have one on one time as I could ask specific questions to my case as he went through the presentation. I actually learned quite a bit and I am really amazed at how many little details they know about the fertilization process. Science is truly amazing. Also the embryologist shared that he has four children through IVF and it was the reason he wanted to pursue this career. He really cares about and loves his job which was great to hear.

The few days away really helped distract me and alleviate a lot of the anxiety I was feeling after my nurse appointment last week, however I could feel it building again yesterday. By the time I went to bed last night I had a pretty significant headache that was still present this morning. I was thankful that I had acupuncture first thing this morning. I had my first back treatment and my first treatment with the electrodes. She put needles in my neck as well, as that seemed to be the source of my headache. She also placed needles to help Aunt Flo arrive. After the appointment I had a slight improvement in my headache and she said it might take all day to clear. I decided to make a visit to the chiropractor to speed things along. I actually had to come see him for two months, which I totally attribute to acupuncture, but after 30 plus hours in the car, two plane rides, and four nights sleeping in a bed with my stepson in the last two weeks I figured an adjustment could do me a lot of good. While it didn’t totally clear my headache it did help immensely. I also had to stop by the pharmacy to pick up my BCP, prescription prenatals, and doxycycline, as well as my normal Synthroid. I am seriously so thankful I am slow at work so I was able to get all of this done!

While acupuncture has really minimized any PMS symptoms I could definitely sense that Aunt Flo would be arriving soon when I woke up. I was expecting she would probably show up tomorrow morning, but she decided to come this afternoon instead! So far I am just spotting (which is really unusual for me), but I do feel good knowing that I will likely be full flow by at least tomorrow morning and this will all get rolling! I am guessing my nurse will count tomorrow as Day 1 and I will start BCP on Friday. This just got real.

Protocols, Outlines, and Stress

In a few hours I am going to hop on a plane for part two of my holiday vacation, which is a very good thing because I just need the distraction.

My appointment yesterday went well. But it was just a lot. A whole lot.

My nurse was very nice and I can tell she really cares about her patients. She took her time going though things and stopped often to ask if I had questions. She made me feel comfortable and she was very approachable which I am sure will be very valuable through all of this.

First we discussed the consent forms we need to sign. She took her time going through each one and what it meant.

We also went over my outline, which is basically a tentative schedule of events over the next two months. If felt like a check list. You have to check the box to move forward. Basically step one: Start Period and call the nurse. Oh and send in a hefty check to the clinic. At that time they will schedule my hysteroscopy, another appointment with the nurse for injection training, and I will start BC on day 3 and she will let me know how many days to take it.

After the hysteroscopy is complete if it goes well and I am cleared to proceed she will order my medication.

When my next cycle starts I will call her again and be scheduled for a baseline ultrasound appointment. I will meet with her again and get the ok to start meds.

Starting on Day 7 of my cycle I will be in the clinic every day doing ultrasounds and bloodwork. Meds will be adjusted based on the results each day. Hopefully around Day 13 my retrieval will be scheduled.

Transfer will be on day 3 or day 5. She said that patients with 5 embryos or less usually are scheduled for day 3, which based on my follicle count I will likely fall into the day 3 transfer category.

Next we went over my protocol (Lupron Microdose). Because of my low AMH my protocol was adjusted to have more stimulation and less suppression. In patients with a low AMH the largest concern is poor response to stimulation, therefore the amount of suppression is decreased. I will be taking significantly less Lupron and for a shorter period of time that what was previously planned because they do not want the Lupron to over suppress my ovaries so they don’t respond to the stims.

My nurse and I had a good conversation about my AMH and what it means. Previously I had emailed Dr. S about the results and she referred to them as “a little low”, however the nurse reaffirmed my feelings that they are actually VERY LOW. She said that she personally would highly recommend we move forward with IVF as soon as possible due to my AMH. Obviously you can’t go back in time, but I wished I had had this test a year or two ago. First I would like to know if there had been a significant decline over the past two years or if my AMH has always been low. With my decrease in follicle count from 2014 to 2015 from 16 to 10 I would be interested to know if the two numbers both have dropped that significantly. If this number has always been low would it have changed how we moved forward? I would imagine we would not have waited the year to move forward with IVF and just found a way to make it work. She stressed that quality is much more important than quantity, which I appreciate, but most of what I have researched shows that a low AMH drastically increases the risk of the cycle to be cancelled due to non-response. This is the largest concern sitting in the back of my mind at the moment. Interestingly the doctor and the nurse did not use the words Diminished Ovarian Reserve but I feel like the writing is on the wall. One study I read said that my AMH is typically found in someone over 41 and I am 33.

Because I know that many people are very interested in the cost of all of this I will be completely transparent to what we will be paying.

Cycle Fees to the clinic: $9,850 (includes all blood work, ultrasounds, egg retrieval, transfer, embryology, two betas

ICSI: $1800

Cryopreservation of embryos: $800 (if required and includes one year of storage)

Estimated medication cost based on Freedom Fertility’s website: $5,300.

I believe there is also a fee for the hysteroscopy however I do not know what that is yet. I also do not know what my pre-cycle bloodwork cost is yet.

So far known cost is: $16,950 (not including unknown cost stated above, acupuncture on transfer, and cryopreservation).

I will also be transparent in sharing that to date we have spent $12,135 on our fertility journey which includes office visits, ultrasounds, 4 IUIs, medication, supplements, acupuncture, an HSG, blood work, semen analysis, and my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy to remove my cyst (partially covered by insurance).

So now I wait for AF to arrive sometime next week. Hopefully a few days in Portland with my family will be a good distraction. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year and may 2016 bring babes for all of my TTC sisters!

Looking Back/Ahead and IVF Updates

EEK can you believe it’s going to be 2016 in a few days? This year seriously flew by. 2015 was filled with a lot of great things for me, including a very special trip to Italy with my mom and grandma. I am forever grateful for the unexpected opportunity to join them on that trip, although I wish it was under different circumstances.

We already have some exciting things planned for 2016 including IVF, but I will get to that in a minute. I have a girl’s weekend planned in Oregon in March and we will be traveling to Kansas to celebrate my grandma’s 90th birthday on Memorial Day weekend. We also may take a quick weekend trip to Vegas in January with some friends. We aren’t planning anything past May yet until we know if IVF was successful. We will also be celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary in August which seems really unbelievable!

I have a lot of hope for 2016 and I am excited to see what the year brings. In 2015 I really focused on my health and my body. It was easier at some points of the year and harder at others but overall I maintained about a 10 lb weight loss from where I started and I learned a lot about what is the best way to fuel my body. I definitely know how to set myself up for success for feeling my best and I learned a ton of great new recipes!

In 2016 my focus is going to be my attitude and my presence. Basically I am going to focus on complaining less and counting my blessings more. A very large challenge for sure. I also want to be present in the moment. Less distractions, more interactions.

IVF UPDATE

I have my nurse coordinator meeting tomorrow afternoon. She did actually call me today to ask about some paperwork so I felt great about that since it’s the first time I have actually talked to her. She posted a timeline to my patient portal today, and I am looking forward to hearing more tomorrow. I am cycle day 20 today, which means my period could arrive in the next 5-10 days. In times like these my irregular cycles make me crazy.

In preparation for all of this I have added more supplements to my regiment. Due to my low AMH I added DHEA 3x per day because I have serious egg quality concerns. I also added L-Arginine, Vitamin E, and Maca. I was already taking COQ10 3x per day, Omega fish oil, Vitamin D (2x per day), Acai, Primrose Oil, Prenatal + a folate tab, probiotics, and B12. I think that’s all. I also plan to start taking melatonin.

I am on a strict 2 glass of wine per day (or less) restriction until my BCP cycle starts and then it will be no alcohol. I have also had a very limited amount of caffeine the past few weeks and I will have zero starting with my BCP cycle. After our holiday travel (we get back on January 3rd) I will go strict Whole30 eating and start juicing every day. The only exception to this will be if we go to Vegas for the weekend, where I will still have no alcohol or caffeine but will probably ease up for two days on the eating.

This week I will be starting double treatments at Acupuncture adding back treatments which can improve follicle count.

Despite the several feet of snow in Oregon over Christmas I actually walked several miles each day (thanks to my dog who needed to be taken out). Being back at work today has been a total bummer because I feel like I’m chained to a desk for all daylight hours. I really would like to keep up the walking routine but with the cold weather and darkness after 5 it’s going to be a real challenge. Basically there are 4 months a year I really wish we had a treadmill. On that note does anyone have a fertility Yoga DVD they recommend?

Well hopefully I will have more to update tomorrow after my appointments. I hope you all had a great Christmas!

Near Miss

Every time you make a plan it falls apart and comes together a million times. That is infertility.

It’s just human nature to plan. Having a plan offers a sense of security. Even after you watch every plan you make crumble into a million pieces…..you move on to the next plan.

Getting back into treatments with my RE is exactly as expected. Hectic. Stressful. Unpredictable.

After my initial appointment with the doctor two weeks ago I tried my best to take DEEP BREATHS and have faith that the clinic would come through for me. After about a week and a half of waiting for them to call I emailed the doctor. Also on that day they posted my lab results which included my AMH.   It was low. According to what I found online it was the lowest possible result to be considered “low” as opposed to “very low”. Obviously this was really upsetting and I wanted to hear what the RE thought.

I should also mention that last week was horrible. I was sick with a fever, cough, and sore throat from Sunday-Tuesday. I had literally just gotten back on my feet on Wednesday and got called into appear for Jury Duty. I spent two days being questioned as a potential juror and thankfully was excused from the case at the end of Thursday. Friday morning I was hoping to get a few hours in the office before going to the dentist to have 5 cavities filled, and when I got in my car to leave I found it had been broken into. So instead I spent the morning calling the police and waiting for a locksmith to come rekey my house (the thief took a house key).

It was almost laughable how horrible the week went, but in the end everything that happened as more of a near miss than a total disaster. Getting sick is terrible but I am THANKFUL that I did not get called into jury duty while I had a 101 fever and that I bounced back quickly.

Getting called into Jury duty sucks but had I actually been picked to be on the jury for the case I would have had to miss my planned holiday vacation and even possibly postpone IVF because the trial was expected to last weeks. I am THANKFUL I was excused after 2 days.

Getting my car broken into sucks, but the person didn’t damage anything and they didn’t steal anything that couldn’t be replaced. They also didn’t use the key they stole to get into the house while we were sleeping. While I feel violated, I am THANKFUL because it could have been much worse.

Also if I had been called to serve in the jury, or if I had been required to stay another day I would have had to cancel my dentist appointment. I hate going to the dentist, but it was important that I get the work done before the end of the year to use my insurance benefit. I am THANKFUL to have it behind me.

So today, finally back at work, it was time to go full court press to get my nurse meeting set up at the clinic. I reached out to my doctor again via email, and called the main line.

I was able to find out by the phone call that I had been assigned a nurse, however she was on vacation all week. They let me leave a message with her back up nurse, who did call me back and got me scheduled with my nurse next week. She also said I did not need to meet with the financial coordinator since we are paying out of pocket. The doctor also emailed me back and gave me her thoughts on the AMH test result and told me she wrote up my cycle plan for the nurse, so hopefully we will go over it next week at my appointment.

I feel relieved. I am really THANKFUL that I can go into the holiday feeling like things are back on track because I will likely be ready to start BC right after the holidays.

While I have felt a little like the universe has been picking on me the past few weeks I am really THANKFUL because life is always going to have little bumps and being an adult means you have to deal with them as they come, but in the end nothing has derailed me from my plan.