Updates and Post Cards

It has been awhile since I have really done an update on things overall so here it goes…

On TTC….

We decided earlier in the year to postpone IVF until 2016. This was a very big decision and I occasionally waiver on if it was the right one but overall I am pretty comfortable with it. During this time we are waiting to continue on with treatment the plan was to go at it the old fashioned way. Admittedly the last few months have been a complete fail in that department as my husband was either gone, or I was gone, or in April got in a huge fight at the exact time we needed to be TTC. This month I was determined and I even started OPKs on Day 9. Today is day CD14 and I am happy to report we have been getting business done the past few days. With how much my husband travels there will likely be more months we just can’t TTC but I definitely want to try as much as possible until IVF because you just never know.

On getting and staying healthy….

At the beginning of the year I did Whole30 which was actually amazing. I did another stint of Whole30 in April and got down to my lowest weight in years. And then I went to Italy and things sort of fell apart. The last few days I have had so little energy I know it’s time to get back after it, especially during the week. We basically have something planned almost every weekend from now to Labor Day so I know doing an actual Whole30 for 30 days just isn’t happening, but I need to get back in my routine during the week from now until we go to WDW at the end of July. I also need to get back to exercising. Unfortunately the heat has set in to Sacramento which means to accomplish this I will either need to bite the bullet and actually join a gym with AC, or get up at 5 am to go running. The good news is I have kept off most of the weight I lost early in the year, but I still haven’t hit my goal. I ordered a Polar heart rate monitor from Amazon today (it was literally half the price I have seen it anywhere else) so hopefully that will motivate me to get my butt going.

I have also made quite a few changes in the products I use around the house and on my body. I have been making changes over the last year or so, but I made additional changes when my aunt found out her cancer had returned. A few of the things I have done thus far are:

Making my own laundry soap

Investing in some good (Young Living) essential oils to use in place of OTC medications

Switching to Honest Cleaning products

Switching to non-paraben/aluminum free deodorant

Using coconut oil in place of shaving cream and eye makeup remover

Using chemical free bar soap (obsessed with Kiss My Face Olive Oil Lavender)

Only organic from the dirty dozen

Mostly organic meat and produce otherwise

I am still working on switching out some other things as my existing products run out but I think this is a really important process for my own health as well as my family’s health. I also just ordered the book “It Starts with the Egg” and from what my friend Desirae has told me I think this will spur on more changes.

On Life otherwise….

Life has been pretty full which is wonderful and exhausting at the same time. We spent a good part of the weekend being touristy in San Francisco with my stepson. Surprisingly even though we live so close we haven’t really spent a lot of time there. Actually most of the times I have been there in the last few years have been for work. We took my stepson to a Giants game for his birthday last year and I believe he had been there once with his mom a few years ago. We spent most of Saturday on the waterfront. We started at the Ferry Building (at Pier 1) and walked all the way to Pier 39 and Fisherman’s Wharf. We took a bay cruise that went under the Golden Gate Bridge and around Alcatraz and then went to the Aquarium. After dinner (of seafood of course) we headed to Ghirardelli Square and shared enormous sundaes and then hiked up some insane hills to Lombard Street. We woke up on Sunday exhausted but still made it to Chinatown and then to the Union Square area for lunch before driving home. I slept the whole way home and my legs are pretty sore from the hills but it was a really fun weekend.

We will be home next weekend and then a quick weekend in LA. My husband has to go for work so we are all going to go and hopefully spend a day at Universal Studios. A few days after we get back my dad will arrive and stay about a week, and my brother and his girlfriend will also be here for part of the trip. After they leave 2 days later my husband’s family will be staying with us for a long weekend. Thankfully we have one weekend to recover and then we are off to Disney World for a week with my mom. I won’t even go into what is happening in August yet but it’s just as full. Somewhere in there we will go to work and my stepson will be going to some summer day camps as well as starting another season of Hotshots basketball league. We will be busy but that is what summer is for, right??!

On Postcards….

I feel like snail mail is a lost art but I LOVE it. Maybe it’s my obsession with stationary and note cards? I make a real effort to randomly send cards to my family and friends. As a kid I loved getting postcards. I hung them all up and probably still have a box of them somewhere. Over the weekend I grabbed a few extras from a shop in Chinatown and I would love to send one to you! Send me your address to meanttobemommy@gmail.com if you would like to get a little love in the mail!

Have a great week everyone!

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Back in the Stirrups

Normally I don’t talk to myself, but if you saw me this morning you would be convinced I was a lunatic. The talking to myself was necessary….because I was trying to talk myself down from the impending panic attack I was feeling knocking at the door to my sanity.

So my morning went like this….

I left my house and headed straight for the pharmacy. My original thought was, Great my appointment isn’t until 9:15 at the clinic which leaves me ample time to get my prescription for Letrozole and Estrace first (so I could get my butt to work as fast as possible after the appointment). Well as it turns out, my pharmacy opens at 9. SHIT. This isn’t the biggest deal, but I just knew they wouldn’t have it ready by the time I got there and so I would have to wait….which just adds stress on to the whole “missing work” thing.

I took a few deep breaths, and drove to the Starbucks next door. Might as well have a nice latte while I still can right? I got my coffee and proceeded to call Freedom Pharmacy to set up my Ovidrel and Gonal-F delivery. The good news….they actually had the prescription this time. The bad news….because of the holiday weekend they cannot deliver on Tuesday (the day I need to start the Gonal-F). My choices are tomorrow or Saturday, but my husband and I will both be gone starting tomorrow. And my office closes at 1 on Fridays in August so I can’t even have it delivered there! And in rolls the anxiety. I told her I would figure something out and call her back and I started to drive to the clinic literally out loud trying to get myself to calm down. When I arrived in the parking lot I was able to get a hold of a friend who lives a few minutes a way that is actually going to be in town for the weekend. I am having everything delivered to her and hopefully she gets it all in the fridge.

I entered the clinic feeling slightly better but still on edge just wondering what else might not go as planned. As I mentioned I met with the financial coordinator last week. At that time she told me the cost of my cycle, and that it would be due when I arrived for my baseline ultrasound (today), and that I could pay by credit card, check, cashiers check, or debit card. Pretty much anything except cash. Well then today the receptionist gave me a hard time about paying by check because of some random technicality in the system. I forgot to check how much my debit card allows in transactions per day before I left, and I was literally beginning to lose it when she finally figured out that I could pay by check. Such unnecessary stress!

Thankfully the actual appointment went well. It was with my preferred doctor at the clinic, Dr. M, and I was clear of cysts. Even the whole ultrasound while on my period thing wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had a quick meeting with the nurse coordinator and then off I went back to the pharmacy.

As expected they did not have my meds ready. And I needed to pick up my thyroid meds as well which I knew I would have to ask them to do for me since they can’t seem to figure out how to keep them on auto refill since I take two different dosages. There were seriously like 8 people working behind the pharmacy counter and it was complete chaos. After finally talking to the pharmacist he tells me that one of my thyroid meds only has enough left on the prescription for ½ of what I need for a month. What?!?! How is that even possible? I was able to convince him to give me those pills so I could get through the weekend, while he got the refill from my doctor. It still took 30 minutes to get out of there.

By the time I got back to work I was a wreck stress-wise. I was thankful that my boss was not in the office when I got back. I got right to work and accomplished everything on my priority list quickly. Of course not long after I got back I got a message from my doctor that they will only refill my thyroid meds for 1 month because I need a blood test! I literally just saw her when she made me come in in May for a “Med check” appointment and she didn’t say anything about needing one soon. Actually I asked her to give me a lab sheet for Lab Corp in case I wanted to get one voluntarily. It was stupid enough that I had to go in for an appointment with her so she could “see how I was doing taking my thyroid medication that I have taken my entire life”…..and how this! I mean what a waste of time and money!

Keeping my eye on the prize, I am super grateful that all of this worked out and I know I need to seriously work on keeping a little calmer when I get curve balls. Honestly if my boss hadn’t made me feel so uncomfortable about missing work for doctor visits, I think I would have handled all of this better. I am so thankful I had no cysts and can go forward with this cycle, and that thank goodness my next ultrasound appointment is on a Saturday. My beta day will be Sept 23 or 24th which could be the perfect belated birthday present.

The Next Level- Prep for IUI #4

Today was my appointment with the financial coordinator and nurse coordinator at my RE’s office.  It was a lot of information to soak up in an hour, but I left feeling more like a legit infertility patient.  I mean it’s not necessarily that I didn’t feel legit before, but my first three IUI cycles felt different.  For one, it felt reactionary and shocking.  I had no idea what to expect.  It was kind of like being in the kindergarten of infertility treatments.  You are qualified to be there, but they just easy you in with the “easy” stuff.  Apparently when you start injectables  you have graduated to another level, and shit gets real.  

First, I never had to see a financial coordinator for my Letrozole only cycles.  I just paid for each appointment when I came in that day, and no one ever really told me the overall cost for appointments or medication.  This time things are different.  Even when she came to the waiting room to get me she took me to a completely different part of the office I didn’t know existed.  For a mixed cycle (or straight injectable cycle), you pay for everything at your baseline ultrasound.  That includes all ultrasounds, two back-to-back IUIs, a Beta at their lab (they always sent me to an outside lab before), estridol testing, and possibly other things I am now forgetting.  She also gave me an estimate on my medication cost.  All in all, this cycle will likely cost about $600 more than my Letrozole cycles, which is honestly a big relief.  She also gave me an estimate on the straight up injectable cycle, which was about double the cost of a mixed cycle (5k-ish). Honestly I do not see us ever doing that, but rather going to IVF.  The other interesting thing was that she went over the positive beta scenario with me, as it relates to billing.  Up to this point, no one at the clinic had ever mentioned to me what would happen if I actually got pregnant.  I learned that they basically do monitoring for you until 8 weeks, and she went over what would be billed to my insurance in that case.  I also had to fill out a form that stated I understood all my treatment was out-of-pocket (until positive beta), which I had never had to do before.  

Next I headed into the nurse coordinator’s office.  She went over what seemed like a mountain of paper work with me.  She first informed me that apparently I need a PAP.  Mine expired like 30 days ago…..and my OBGYN takes like 3-4 months to get into for a PAP.  I sort of started to freak out, but apparently they do them in the RE office, so I am scheduled for next Wednesday.  Also if the schedule doesn’t work out for the IUI for my next cycle, I will need blood work, because I have a few tests that expire this month.  She then went over the cycle schedule and what medication I would be taking on what day.  She is also calling in my Ovidrel and Gonal-F now.  She then went over some handouts she went sending me home with about fertility stress management, counseling, resources, ect.  I sort of laughed at this only because I was a little surprised they wouldn’t have given it to me A YEAR AGO WHEN I BECAME A PATIENT.  Again, apparently when you start shooting yourself up that’s when they start taking you seriously.  The next set of handouts had to do with do’s and don’ts that will start the first day I take fertility meds through when I get a positive beta (again, this was not discussed for oral cycles).  Finally she started to grill me on my prenatals and supplements.  She even sent me home with a big bunch of prescription prenatals to try (because most over the counter ones make me nauseous).  

Then we got to the hard part……the demo on giving yourself shots.  I mean it seemed easy enough to inject into a red cube, but when I am shooting a needle into my stomach I think I will feel differently.  Maybe it won’t be a big deal by the time I get to trigger, but right now Ovidrel scares me the most.  For my oral cycles the clinic has always done that one for me, and its possible they will again at my CD 11 appointment but she said i may have to do it myself.  I really wish I had a best friend in the nursing field.  

I also talked to the nurse coordinator about trying to work scheduled appointments in the early morning or later afternoon, since I work so far away.  Basically she said they would do what they could but I should really hope that some of the appointments fall on a weekend.  The only way that will really happen is if my cycle is 27/28 days or 32/33/34 days.  At this point I am really pulling for the 32-34 range…….not that I have any control :-).  

Despite the overload of info I am really trying to keep the most positive attitude possible, and not focus on the “this is it or its IVF” thing.  We will see how that goes when I start filling my body with hormones.  I am super relieved that this cycle is *only* going to cost around 2k.   I really expected it to be a lot more.  it’s funny how 2k feels like nothing when you have already spent thousands more than that on something.  If it brings me a baby, obviously money well spent.  If not…….well lets not think about that.  It’s honestly kind of weird to be back to blogging about all of this again after so many months of just waiting.  I already remember how doing treatment plans literally takes over your whole life.  I do feel more prepared this time mentally and emotionally.  I am just really praying that everything goes smoothly with no unforeseen stress, and of course for that positive beta…..finally.  

 

 

What to Expect

 

This weekend was really lovely. Lovely in the way that we have absolutely no plans. I left the house exactly four times to go to the grocery store, church, Target and the pool. I went for a run Saturday morning and swam laps at the pool Saturday afternoon…..leading to a really nice nap in the late afternoon. The kind of nap where you are sleeping so hard you drool. Sunday was filled with no such physical activity. Actually my husband took my stepson to the movies leaving me about 3 hours home alone.

This weekend “me time” is almost unheard of without prior scheduling/planning. There were a few things that I considered doing with this time including getting a pedicure, hitting the mall, working on some of my projects that have gone untouched for months……

Instead I did a quick rearrangement of the playroom, and then settled in bed and put on a movie on Netflix. This is actually pretty out of character for me because I am really not into movies. I could watch episode after episode of a TV series but putting in a movie always seems like too much of a time commitment. I also haven’t been to a movie theater to see a movie (that wasn’t animated with SS) for at least 4 years. Furthermore, we really only have Netflix for SS. We only have the membership with instant streaming and there have rarely been adult movies on it that I would want to watch in the first place.

(On a side note I do use it to stream documentaries about the ocean because I LOVE THEM. I am actually pretty scared of the ocean or any open body of water, so I don’t know exactly where my fascination with the documentaries comes from but I could watch them for hours.)

So after that way too long intro are you just dying to know what movie I watched….or did the title totally give it away….ok you got me…I watched “What to Expect When You are Expecting”. I know, dangerous territory for a woman going on her third year of TTC. After sitting through the baby dedication at Church yesterday listening to our pastor talk about how babies are a gift from God and the parents should be so honored (which is absolutely true but hard to hear when I’m still patiently waiting for my gift) and holding myself together, I just felt like I would be able to watch the movie. Also I was alone so if I needed to sob, I could.

Honestly I thought the movie would be really cheesy and very “rainbows and butterflies”….and….I was pleasantly surprised shocked. For something made in Hollywood for the sole purpose of making money it was actually very REAL. It touched on real life elements of TTC, pregnancy, and even infertility. Of course, given my own situation I think they could have gone deeper into said unpleasantries of the baby making world, but again this is a movie and given that my expectations I was very surprised. If you haven’t watched it, I would actually recommend it. I will be honest, I did cry. There are parts of this movie that really hit home for me, but I give the writers respect for attempting to show the ugly parts of TTC and pregnancy in a movie meant for the masses. Maybe it would be lost on someone without the same life experiences as me, but I appreciate the attempt.

There is one character whom does get pregnant after trying for 2 years the old fashioned way. They make it clear that she and her husband have done quite a bit of timed romps in the sack. There is a scene in the movie when they are telling the parents and one of them responds with “oh you guys have been trying for a while right? Like 2-3 months?”. When the couple corrects him, clearly he is uncomfortable and changes the subject. Next month is my three year wedding anniversary, which is also the third anniversary of pulling the goalie. We didn’t start keeping track of things until the following January, but the net will have been unmanned for 3 years…..and our friends/family have known we have been trying for 1-2 years. I know that when this finally happens everyone will be happy for us, for the first time I wonder if people will say things like that to me and how I will handle it. I mean I don’t think it’s appropriate for anyone to point out the length of time you have been trying (whether they are accurate or not), but then there are a lot of people who don’t seem to have a filter on what is or is not appropriate to say about the subject of baby making, pregnancy, or parenting.

I wonder how I will feel about it. Would I want all of the heartbreak and disappointment to be recognized when I finally have my day? I mean I am fighting hard for this and it feels like everyone else around me is popping out babies left and right with little effort. The truth is, when my child is 5, they will be like every other 5 year old. The only person that will remember the struggle is me (and my husband of course). I had never really thought about this until now, but I do completely understand why it’s really hard for women to know to feel about their pregnancies after going through all of this. I can understand why it would be hard to just be 100% purely happy. There are just so many emotions jumbled up in all of this, and they don’t just go away overnight I’m sure.

I know I am 2 years late in watching this movie, but if you haven’t seen it, you should. It was way different than what I was expecting and really gave me a lot to think about.

CD1 and Pissed! Updated

Ok, to be clear I am not pissed that it is cycle day one. I am happy about that actually. I could totally tell it was going to happen today when I was getting ready this morning so I actually prepared. My lady parts are wreaking some serious havoc and I sort of feel like crawling under the table in the fetal position, but such is my life with endometriosis. I will power through (I hope).

So why am I so pissed? Well….I called my clinic to let them know that it was CD1 and I need my meds like any good fertility drug addict would do and when they called me back this is kind of how it went…

Nurse: Hi, I got your message that it is cycle day one for you, but we don’t have a treatment plan for your right now.
Me: UM WHAT!?!?! How is that possible!?!?!

I will pause for a moment to reflect on this first bit of news. First, I talked to a nurse on Tuesday, two days ago, when she called me to let me know that my second IUI was not successful and before I hung up the phone I specifically asked her if my next step was to call back on CD1 for my next go. Her answer was YES. After my first failed IUI, the clinic wouldn’t even call me with the beta results until my doctor had reviewed my results and written up a new treatment plan. Apparently that was the “protocol”, and it appears in the last 30 days said protocol has changed. When the nurse called with my IUI #2 results she was certainly not offering up what I was to do next, I had to pull it out of her. So I ask you, what if I hadn’t asked the nurse on Tuesday what to do, and had not called today on CD1. Would they have just forgotten about me/gave up on me after two IUI’s because no doctor ever gave me a new treatment plan? Clearly all of this is Cycle Day sensitive, and my period has shown up the second morning after stopping progesterone so there really isn’t a lot of time to just dilly-dally around waiting for a doctor at the clinic to realize that I am in fact, not pregnant and suggest what to do next.

Ok…back to the conversation between me and the nurse today….

Nurse: Well, Dr M and Dr A are here, but Doctor SA is YOUR doctor and I am not sure if he is available to give you a new treatment plan but I will see what I can do…(and keeps talking and talking and talking….)
Me: Ok stop for one second please. Why is Dr. SA now my doctor when Dr M has been my doctor for the past six months? I have only met Dr SA twice, because he happened to be the procedure doctor on the day of my IUI. We have never even had a conversation!
Nurse: Well its our protocol that the doctor that treats you does your next treatment plan.
Me: Well I would really feel more comfortable if Dr M would do it because I have actually met with him multiple times and like I said, I have never even had a real conversation with Dr. SA.
Nurse: Ok well I will ask Dr M if he will do it since he is here. We will call you when your treatment plan is done.
Me: Thanks.

I totally understand that RE clinics have to be open 365 days a year due to the time sensitive nature of all of this. And I know that the Doctors do other things besides just see patience in the office, like surgery. I accept the fact that I will not always get to see my doctor every time I go in for an ultrasound or IUI and I am ok with that. I am not ok with having someone who I have never talked to make a treatment plan for me. Maybe I am overreacting, but there is a huge difference between someone performing a procedure on you that they have done a million times (like an ultrasound), and someone who actually is going to give a recommendation on the next step. What if they come back with something different than what I have been doing the last two months? Will the doctor explain to me why he is making a change, and how it will affect me differently? They don’t ever say “well if this doesn’t work then we will move on to this….”

This whole process is upsetting, personal, and really emotional. I feel like the only pseudo security is feeling like the doctors you are entrusting with your body (and money), know what they are doing, and know YOU and your personal issues/situation. I don’t even like to go to my primary care doctor and find out I have to see someone different, and this is just on a whole other level. I went from feeling happy to get this cycle moving to sort of feeling insecure and betrayed in all of 30 minutes. I feel like the clinic should give you a little 10 minute tutorial on what to actually expect so at least I won’t be surprised about the way they do things.

😦

UPDATE:

The nurse did call me back and let me know that my Dr, Dr M, gave me a new treatment plan. By new, she actually means exactly the same as the past two. This is update worthy because she also told me that I needed to take a home pregnancy test before she would call it in. So basically, on Tuesday they called me to tell me my beta was less than one, but today, Thursday, I need to take a home pregnancy test to relive the disappointment? Its been 20 days since my IUI, and I am full flow right red crimson tide…..and have had a confirmed negative blood test….but you want me to pee on a freaking stick? You have got to be kidding me. When I questioned her on why this was necessary she seemed surprised (btw it was necessary before my first IUI cycle, which was understandable, but not before my second….because you know, I had just had a negative blood test!). She left me on hold for like 5 minutes and then came back to tell me that the blood test would suffice as my negative pregnancy test. Well I really hope so because if you can’t trust a blood test to tell you that you aren’t pregnant, what can you trust really?
So everything is back on track, and I have my plan for the cycle which is good. I am just not sure why it had to be so difficult to get there…..

The Right Time

I have been thinking about this post for a while and now is the perfect time to actually write it.  I have a job interview tomorrow.  I have actually been looking for a job for a while now.  I started looking even harder when my husband changed jobs at the beginning of the year mostly because I travel every week and it’s incredibly difficult to be gone so much.  I actually have a really good job, and if not for the travel, I would likely stay.  I have been here for almost 7 years, some of my coworkers have been come some of my closest friends, my boss and I get along great and I have a lot of flexibility, and I have a good reputation within the company.  I was actually recently selected as one of 29 people in the entire company (it is very large company) to be mentored by someone on our senior leadership team.  All reasons to stay.  Unfortunately the drive to the south bay area is enough to make me crazy.  And I hate being away from home for 3 days a week.  It makes it impossible to have true work life balance, and clearly this is something that will be even more difficult when I have a baby.  Just doing the IUI with the unknown exact timing was stressful (although not as stressful as it would have been without L who is a life saver).   With all of that said, I cannot just leave for any job.  I have to be selective because we can’t afford for me to take a pay cut and I need something stable.  The market in my area is nothing compared to what it is in the bay area so finding a comparable job here is difficult.  So finally after all this time, and several interviews for jobs that didn’t seem quite right here I am with the best opportunity that has come to me.  The job is very comparable to my current position and the money is right.  The company is established and has a good reputation, although it is smaller than the company where I currently work.  The benefits, I have heard, are also great will full medical, dental and vision paid by the company.  All in all this is a great opportunity. 

The timing of this is sort of throwing me off.  I got the call from the recruiter a few days before my IUI.  Clearly I have no idea if I am or am not pregnant.  Maybe I am pregnant.  Maybe I am lucky enough to just need one IUI to get there.  That would be a blessing.  Such a blessing.  If this job does end up working out I would be hopeful to start in February, because my bonus is paid on January 24th.  After the intense but very successful year I have had it will have to be one hell of an offer to get me to walk away earlier.  But if I am pregnant I will be in my second trimester in February.  Not great timing and all sorts of ethical questions raised on telling them or not telling them.  I mean how could I tell them they have to wait for my bonus to be paid, and then a few weeks later tell them I will be out on maternity leave in a few months.  I am trying my best not to over think it, but if I am pregnant my decision making will be different than if I am not. 

So when is the right time to start your family?  And when you have fertility issues, how do you decide to move forward with life changing events?  Being on the TTC bench is like torture so putting that on the back burner would break my heart.  I feel like I can’t live in a land of “if I am pregnant then…”.  I have to admit that getting this job, and not traveling anymore, would benefit long term.  When we first decided to even try our life was ideal for starting a family, but all I could think was that things would never be truly perfect so you just figure it out as it comes.  As I have been going through all of this I have been listening to three songs that have helped me remain calm and patient to the unknown.  One of them is Sovereign by Chris Tomlin.  While all of the lyrics speak true to me right now, this one really hits home

In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you

The truth is, all I can do is trust God to lead me through all of this and make the best decisions possible.  I have been trying to remember to pray for guidance and patience and be thankful.  That’s proves to be difficult when there is something that I want so badly.  There may never be a perfect time for us to have a baby, and clearly even if there were my body wouldn’t cooperate with precise timing.  So I push on, praying and trusting in God. 

Holy Pitstains Batgirl

I have never been a “sweaty” person, even during those hormone amped teenage years. Actually quite the opposite. I would play an entire high school varsity basketball game and barely break a sweat. My friends actually made fun of me for my lack of sweating. In the last 24 hours, however, Femara has turned me into a sweaty beast. My office is cold. Like bone chilling cold. I generally sit at my desk in my coat or wrapped in a sweater with a space heater at my feet and I am still cold. It’s also open floor plan so there is no trapping the heat from my heater by shutting a door. Today was pretty much the same. I was definitely not hot, or even warm. I went into a private phone room to talk to a colleague about our travel schedules for the rest of the year (where it is also frigid), and all of a sudden I began to feel…um…damp….Thank goodness I have a good sense of humor and can laugh about this stuff or I would have been really embarrassed. I rose up my arm and I had what was probably the largest pit stain ever. Like worse than 350 pound man running a marathon bad. After my phone call I went into the bathroom to assess more closely in the mirror and it was even worse than I thought. Of course I am a weirdo and immediately snapped a pic with my iPhone and sent it to a few friends who I knew would laugh with me.  I mean, other than feeling slightly dizzy last night this is the only other side effect I have had so far and I am super grateful for that.  So I will just laugh and wear black or white the new days but I had to document this lovely side effect

Hand Selfie and other updates

I must explain my hand selfie.  I have NEVER in my life had long beautiful fingernails.  EVER.  I usually chomp those babies down at the first sign of stress or excitement.  I have been biting my nails since I was little.  My mom tried everything to make me stop when I was young, and I have tried many things as well as an adult and nothing has ever worked.  I don’t want to bite my nails.  Actually when I think about it, it’s really gross and dirty.  For whatever reason it has been a compulsion my entire life.  Completely subconscious.  Usually I have no idea I am doing it until it’s too late.  The exciting part, however, is that for whatever reason for the past few months I stopped biting them.  They are long and amazing for the first time in my life.  I am so excited.  The prenatal vitamins have really helped with making them grow out quickly, and as soon as they were all long enough I rewarded myself by getting a Gel manicure.  I have kept them manicured for about the last 5 or 6 weeks, and as long as they are looking good with the gel polish I have had no urge to bite them at all!  At the first sign of peeling I have to get the gel redone, or else I will literally peel it all off, and start biting them again.  I have about a 24 hour window from the first one chipping.  Yesterday on the car ride home from our trip I started to enter the danger zone.  If you have ever had gel, you know when your nails start to grow out it will peel up near the cuticle.  My gel lasts just over 2 weeks thanks to the rapid growing of my nails right now.  We got home pretty early in the day and a friend asked me to join her for a manicure.  Now for the tie in to my blog….I went with Green polish, which turned out to be a little more out there than I thought it would be….BUT green is not only my favorite color, but its a lucky color.  I figured I could use a little extra luck this month!  IUI #1 will likely happen by next Wednesday!

A side note…taking a flattering hand selfie was more challenging that you might think!

hand selfie

 

In other news, our weekend in Napa/Sonoma was perfection (minus that small incident on Thursday night).  I am so grateful for the amazing friends that we have, and everything really fell into place perfectly.  I have been planning (and saving) for the trip for almost a year, so it was so nice that everything worked out as perfectly as it did.

Tomorrow is cycle day 7, and my last day of taking Femara.  Thus far I haven’t really had any side effects which I am also grateful.  Wednesday I start taking estrace, which from reading the literature sounds like it has the potential to have more side effects that Femara so we will see.  I also leave for the bay area on Wednesday morning to spend one night in San Jose and one night in San Francisco.  I am hopeful I can get out of the city early enough to beat any bad traffic but who knows.  While I am not excited to travel this week, it should make the week go fast.  Saturday I will start OPKs, and I will be going in by next Monday at the latest (day 13).  One week from today…..which is crazy.  Based on all of this, and my travel schedule (trip to LA for work the week after Thanksgiving), the first day I will be back and could do a blood test is Dec 5th.  That also happens to be my husbands actual 40th bday.  While I know a negative has the potential to put a damper on the day, I am going to just look at it as a good sign.

It has sort of amazed me out the timing on everything has worked out.  I mean with the trip we were already taking last weekend, the holiday with family coming into town, and my work travel schedule, it could have been a real nightmare (not to say things won’t just pop up work wise).   I barely even had cramps this month which is very rare for me with my endometriosis.  Even that could have ruined part of my trip and I was somehow okay.  I have been really careful not to get my hopes up too high but I really do have a positive feeling about everything, and with how the timing has worked out I can’t help but know God is really looking over me on this one.