Yesterday afternoon was my beta and the clinic called today. Verdict: Negative.
The clinic actually called me around noon time (rather than the end of the day). I was sitting at my desk with L having lunch literally in the middle of telling a story. When I got off the phone, I pretty much said, “well its negative” and just kept telling my story. I don’t know that I was really ready to feel it yet. That is what I expected to hear, so I wasn’t surprised, but I did still have hope that just maybe it would be positive. As the day has gone on I have started to feel the weight of the news more and more. I want to stuff my face with bad thinks like Tapatio Doritos and ice cream (not together), but so far I settled for a See’s candy and some raw veggies.
I am hopeful my period arrives by the end of the week. I have had all sorts of fun PMS symptoms the past few days, so hopefully AF shows up ASAP. I already got my calendar out to plan my next cycle. Its the last IUI attempt I can do for a few months. I am starting my new job mid Feb (assuming all goes as planned), and I will have no idea what my schedule will be, or how easily I can slip out for Dr’s appointments randomly 3 days in a row. I am hopeful I will be able to work it out to try again a few months after starting the job. It keep focusing on the fact that if my next (3rd) IUI doesn’t work out, and we take a break for a few months, I have no shot of having a due date in 2014. I will just be happy to be pregnant at some point, regardless of the month or year my baby is actually born, but this year just started, so it’s a little disappointing to think about going all of 2014 with no baby in my arms.
I am in the bay area for the next few days for work, but thankfully L is here so tonight we can have sushi and I can possibly drown my sorrows in a glass of wine. I am going to try my best to not drown them in retail therapy, but that could be tough with all the amazing shopping literally steps away from my hotel.
My husband is going to visit some friends in SoCal for the weekend, so I think I might get a facial on Sunday. I feel like I need to do something good for myself and I have been wanting one for a while.
In other news, I have decided my first project of 2014 will be to reorganize all the closets in my house. I actually got a good start in the front/coat closet. I think I did a pretty awesome job of organizing all of our Christmas stuff, as I put it away, so everything is stacked neatly and labeled. I think I am going to tackle our closet next, which will be by far the biggest job. Project #2 will be to organize all drawers and cabinets. The act of organizing is something I do to cope. I can literally do it in silence for hours, but it helps me clear my head. At least it’s productive (and not destructive)!
OK AF…..show up already!