24 Weeks!

I had really wanted to do an update at 22 weeks, but I was honestly way too busy that week, and that was the weekend of my first baby shower! Time has been going by super-fast and I can hardly believe I am closing in on the third trimester in just a few weeks!

Since my last update we found out we are having twin girls! We had a super fun gender reveal party at our house. My stepson was so excited when we popped the balloons and pink confetti came out. He really wanted sisters.

We took a quick overnight trip to Tahoe to spend some time with some friends who were vacationing there. It was such a fun time but the altitude was really hard for me.

We took our hospital tour which was really interesting! It made me feel a lot more comfortable just knowing where things are, and the information they handed out about being in the hospital for the birth was really great. I also confirmed that no matter what kind of birth I have I will be delivering in an OR instead of a birthing suite. I am a little concerned as to how two babies, myself and my husband will all fit into the tiny postnatal suites for recovery. I seriously wouldn’t even be comfortable sitting on the tiny bench they expect the dads to sleep on!

The following weekend I headed to Colorado for my family baby shower. I had some motion sickness on the plane when some minor turbulence came up which never would have bothered me in the past and it was a little bit hard to sit for two hours but overall the flights went pretty quickly. I made sure I was well hydrated for both the flights and my stay in Colorado so I did not have the issues I did in Tahoe. It was also cooler weather and I wasn’t outside in the sun as much which I think helped. It was great to see my mom and her side of the family and the shower was a lot of fun. My mom made the cutest twin fruit basket ever.

Finally last weekend I did quite a bit of work on the nursery. Things are slowly coming together and I am trying not to overdo it during the free time I have. I was super happy that some friends came and helped put together the closet furniture so I was able to get things a little more organized.

Work has been really busy which has made the weeks just fly by! When I look at my calendar for the rest of the month it’s a little overwhelming. The nice thing is that we have half days on Fridays from the first Friday of August until after Labor Day weekend.   This week my stepson and husband (he’s the coach) started soccer practice and next week my stepson goes back to school (third grade!). We have a trip booked to Orange County over Labor Day weekend that I am hoping I will be able to take! I have an OB appointment the day before we are supposed to leave so I am hoping as long as things are still going well I can be cleared to go. It’s only a 1 hour flight and I will be 28 weeks.

 

 

How Far along: 24 Weeks on Saturday. The babies currently weigh 1 lb 10 oz and 1 lb 9 oz and are right on track!

Total Weight Gain: Up 10 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight.

Maternity Clothes: Yes tops and dresses. Regular Maxi Skirts, athletic shorts, and leggings still fit. Also a few of my regular workout clothes that are on the longer side fit. I basically wear the same 6 things to work because I am so over spending money on new clothes that I can’t wear for very long!

Movement: YES! Mostly on my right side and some around my belly button, which makes sense given how the babies are positioned (per our growth scan this morning).

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Some nights are better than others. Up a lot to pee, but I also have to drink a ton of water through the night or I get leg cramps. I got the pregnancy wedge which has really helped support my belly. I usually wake up 3-6 times per night to readjust and pee!

Best moments:  Seeing the babies today! My family baby shower! Feeling them move, especially right before bedtime!

Miss Anything: Nothing major.  Sleeping comfortably!

Food Cravings: Iced Tea. Nothing else regularly.

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Just some motion sickness issues. Otherwise I have been feeling pretty good (knock on wood!)

Showing: Yes!

Gender: Girls!

Labor signs: No. I did have some braxton hicks a few weeks ago when we were in Tahoe. The altitude was super hard for me and I was out in the sun for quite a while on a hot day. After laying down with my feet up and drinking tons of water I felt much better but they were not fun!

Symptoms: Lower back pain. It’s really hard for me to sit up straight for a long period of time, especially after eating lunch. My desk chair is pretty much in full recline! If I am on my feet too long my ankles swell and ache. I have also been more tired lately. Nothing horrible!

Belly Button: Flat in the morning, out in the afternoon after I’ve had lunch!

Wedding Rings: After a day of major swelling in my hands I switched to a silicone ring that I used to wear to the gym!

Mood: Happy.

Until next time XOXO!

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20 Weeks Updates

The past few weeks I finally hit the sweet spot of pregnancy.  I actually feel good most of the time.  I have energy!  My constipation issues are gone (for now at least).  I am actually able to enjoy food again.  Its been magical.

We had an anatomy scan on Monday and both babies are doing well.  They were measuring about 5 days ahead.  We will have another growth scan at the beginning of August with perinatal.  I am also loving that so far my OB does a quick US at every appointment.  Its so great to see the babies so often.  This time my stepson was able to come with us to the appointment so he got to see the babies too.  I think that was a really important experience for him.

Right now I see my OB every 4 weeks and I get growth scans every 4 weeks.  I thought this would feel like forever in between appointments since I had such frequent appointments earlier in my pregnancy, but the time between goes really fast.

We spent the 4th of July week on a staycation.  My dad and brother came to visit and my stepson was with us the whole 10 days as his mom was in Hawaii.  My brother and husband took him to do some fun things like bowling and a water park.  We also took him to the movies and my husband took him to Six Flags.  We wanted to do some fun things for him since we aren’t doing a big family vacation this year.  My brother was also able to help my husband get a few things done around the house including building the nursery dresser.  We had some painters come in and paint the room and we got new carpet in our front room!  It was a really productive week!

Later this month we have our hospital tour scheduled and I will be going to Colorado for my family shower.  I know its early but I did not want to take a 3 hour flight any later in my pregnancy.

 

How Far along: 20 Weeks (on Saturday)

Total Weight Gain: Only Down 1 pound from pre-pregnancy weight!

Maternity Clothes: Yes tops and a few dresses.  Still able to wear my normal shorts, leggings, and maxi skirts.

Movement: I found out at my anatomy scan that at least one of the placentas (Baby B on top) is anterior, which explains why I haven’t felt a lot.  I do feel some flutters here and there, especially lower on my stomach.  Baby B’s head is also on my upper right side (per the ultrasound) and I often get a lot of pressure there.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Getting harder to be comfortable and waking up a lot more.

Best moments:  Seeing the babies at my OB appointment last week and then again at my Perinatal appointment this week.  Getting our nursery painted and some of the furniture assembled.  Spending the week with my dad and brother.

Miss Anything: Nothing major.  Sleeping comfortably!

Food Cravings: Asian food, iced tea, tacos and cheese nachos

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Still not loving meat, but its getting better.  Chicken is the hardest.  I have to eat frequently or I start to feel queasy.  I was cleaning our entertainment center last weekend and randomly had to throw up.

Showing: Yes!

Gender: Finding out on Saturday

Labor signs: No

Symptoms: Still occasional nausea, feeling very full after eating which makes sitting upright at my desk difficult, Gas (but no constipation so yay!)

Belly Button: Definitely flattening out.

Wedding Rings: On

Mood: Happy. Occasionally moody.

Looking forward to: Our gender reveal this weekend.  My first shower at the end of the month with my family.

 

Reflections on 20 weeks of Pregnancy

This post is entirely about being pregnant. If you aren’t ready to read it, then please don’t as it is not meant to hurt anyone. I know what it’s like to be in the throes of infertility. Somedays you just can’t. But I always loved hearing the positive things from those whole finally got here after hard fought battles. It gave me hope.

Also this is about my experience with pregnancy. And the gist really is that everyone’s experience is different and embrace it so it works for you.

 

How could it be? Just a few days shy of 20 weeks pregnant. There were so many times that I prayed for this. So many times I wondered if this was in God’s plan for me. And here I am.

To be honest I didn’t know how I would really feel about pregnancy itself. I mean I have a weak stomach, horrible motion sickness, and basically broken digestive system as it is, so I was pretty nervous about how pregnancy might take its toll on me. There are a few things that I have been surprised, or not so surprised about in my first twenty weeks that I wanted to document.

You can be totally completely happily miserably pregnant. There are just moments that aren’t fun, but you can endure them while they make you feel physically horrible and still be incredibly happy at the same time.

There are really two kinds of “morning sickness”. There is the kind that has you down for the count for hours/days feeling absolutely miserable constantly. There is also the kind that comes up on you like a ninja at the most unexpected and inconvenient time and then goes away as soon as you empty your stomach…..and it will happen and it will happen RIGHT NOW. Carry bags just in case.

Eat your fiber. Lots and lots of fiber. If you need a little motivation imagine yourself having to go to the ER or Urgent care for an enema (this was VERY close to reality for me a few weeks ago). You may have been very regular before, but the hormones can really cause some disruption. Eat your fiber.

Sometimes you need to call the nurse advice line. I am seriously not the type to complain or seek medical help for things. But your body is going through some crazy shit and Dr. Google will either scare the crap out of you or make you think you are fine when you really should see someone. Call the nurse because you will be very upset with yourself if you don’t and it’s actually a serious issue.

Your doctor may be perfect for you, and not right for someone else. I like my doctor. Our personalities are compatible. She knows her stuff and I trust her. She also isn’t the type to coddle you or chit chat about your day. That is totally okay with me. She gets a lot of flak on some of the local moms groups Facebook pages because of her bedside manner. I get that. She isn’t rainbows and ponies. She is smart, qualified, and I feel she will give me the best care. She is a great doctor for me, but she might not be for someone else. So when I read or hear about other’s experiences I do not hold it against her or let it sway my opinion of her. That being said, if you aren’t comfortable with your doctor, find a new one.

Everyone wants to tell you what is going to happen to you based on their own experience. I spent the first 4 weeks after finding out I was pregnant feeling pretty normal other than being tired. Literally everyone told me I was so lucky because that meant I wasn’t going to have morning sickness since I had made it to around 10 weeks. And then I spent the rest of my first trimester and the beginning of my second feeling crappy almost 100% of the time. Everyone told me it would pass at 12 weeks, then 14 weeks, then 16 weeks……finally at 18 weeks I started to consistently feel good.

When the worst of Morning Sickness has passed, you might still have your moments. I still get that spontaneous need to throw up every now and then even though I feel pretty good most of the time. It may never go away.

One of my friends told me that she felt that when she got pregnant it wouldn’t be hard for her to eat completely healthy because she loves healthy food. I laugh. Hard. I used to eat mostly paleo. I spent the last 4 months unable to eat meat most of the time, which is the staple of paleo. What you crave, or what you can or can’t tolerate may have nothing to do with how you ate before you were pregnant. Honestly my biggest cravings have been iced tea and Asian food. The thought of French fries is appalling to me but I would take mashed potatoes and gravy in a second. Surprisingly I haven’t really wanted a lot of sugary foods, but I have loved fruit. None of it makes sense. Try your best to give your body and your baby(ies) protein and nutrition in any way you can. Give yourself a break if you want a donut.

Everyone’s body reacts differently. I had dinner with a few expectant twin moms a few weeks ago. We are all due within a week of each other. We were all showing completely differently. One woman was very self-conscious about how big she was already while I was feeling self-conscious because everyone kept telling me how skinny I looked. The truth is you have no control over how your body might react to growing babies. All you can do is take care of yourself and please don’t compare your body to anyone else.

People will touch you. Seriously they will just come up to you and put their hands on your belly. I have a feeling I’m only at the beginning of this, and I promise I will never be okay with it. It is so uncomfortable and I do not understand it. My mother-in-law is the worst of them all.

If you want to, you should celebrate the heck out of your pregnancy. Infertility does a number on us. And I seriously understand when people who have gone through infertility or miscarriages are very hesitant to even tell anyone they are pregnant, much less celebrate all the little things. There is always a fear something might go wrong for anyone, and then that feeling like we don’t want to be “too happy” because of all of our friends that are still waiting for their miracle. I am big on the golden rule and I will be honest all of the 4 plus years I was struggling I never had an issue with someone celebrating their pregnancy, especially my friends who struggled to get there in the first place. So if you want to, have the gender reveal, post on Facebook, take a poll to guess the genders….or don’t. Do what makes you happy. I have found myself being way more “public” about things that I could have ever imagined, especially because I am pretty private, but honestly this is the moment I have been waiting for literally for years and I am going to CELEBRATE every minute of it without apology.

Pregnancy is a bag of the unexpected every day. Sometimes it’s amazing and wonderful. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s kind of gross. You don’t have to love every minute of it. Be real about it. Laugh about it. Appreciate it. And try to find moments of pure joy in it. I particularly love to look at my belly in the shower. It just makes me feel so happy to see it there. Sometimes it’s still so surreal.

Much love to you all!!! Here is to another happy and healthy 20ish weeks.

17 Week Update

It really feels like time is going so quickly.  Can it really be the last weekend of June already?  Next weekend my dad and brother will be visiting for a week, which I am really excited about.  I took the week off of work and I am hopeful to get quite a bit done around the house and with the nursery.  My morning sickness is still there, but less frequent.  Unfortunately I am experiencing horrific constipation and almost had to go to urgent care!

I finally actually look pregnant which is exciting.  I feel like it basically happened over night.  I was really starting to feel sensitive about everyone telling me how skinny I looked so I am loving it now.

We have also been dealing with some anxiety/jealousy issues with my stepson about the babies.  He is ultimately really excited to be a big brother, but he is also experiencing the normal realization that things are going to change.  We had a few hard weeks before he would tell us what was bothering him, but we are addressing the issues with him now and he is seeing a counselor.  Having a new baby/babies come into any family is stressful on an only child, and its only more complicated by him not being with us all the time.

 

How Far along: 17 Weeks

Total Weight Gain: Finally gaining back some weight. Down only 6 lbs from pre-pregnancy weight

Maternity Clothes: Last week I put on a tank top and it fit perfectly…..this week I put it on and it was way to short! I actually bought a few maternity items over the past few days, but I am still able to wear a lot of my normal clothes, as long as the shirts are long enough.

Movement: Not yet

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Once I find a comfortable position I sleep well, but I wake up a lot to pee!

Best moments: Finally actually looking like I am pregnant. When I look at my little bump I literally feel overjoyed.

Miss Anything: Not really.

Food Cravings: Asian food and iced tea.

Anything make you feel queasy or sick: Meat has still been hard. Especially beef and chicken. I also often feel sick in the morning.

Showing: Yes!

Gender: We find out on July 16th.

Labor signs: No

Symptoms: Food aversion, constipation (OMG!!), some morning sickness

Belly Button: In

Wedding Rings: On

Mood: Happy. Occasionally moody.

Looking forward to: My dad and brother visiting over the 4th of July week.

Checking In

Hello! So sorry for my unexpected break from blogging the last few weeks. Truthfully I have been slammed at work and way too exhausted to do anything when I’m not working. Thankfully that seems to be getting a little better. At least I made it to 9pm without a nap yesterday which is something.

Since my last ultrasound at 8 weeks 2 days I have met with the nurse practitioner at my OBs office and done a bunch of lab work. The nurse gave me tons of information, which I have been slowly reading as I have the energy. This Friday I will see my actual doctor and get another ultrasound. I will be `10 weeks 6 days at that appointment. I plan to tell my work the following week when my boss is in town assuming the appointment goes well and the babies are still doing great.

In the meantime I am doing lots of research on baby products and twin baby products. I am going to register in June, which seems really early, except I need to have everything totally ready to go by the end of September (30 weeks).

My mom is throwing me a family shower in Colorado in July and my friends are throwing me a local shower in September. We are in the process of getting the guest room converted into a nursery, and the current playroom converted into a guest room. My part is this is basically organizing or purging all of the random things stored in the nursery and telling my husband where to move furniture. We are also recarpeting the main living room of our house which desperately needs to be done before we have babies crawling on it. A new dishwasher will be a must purchase item before the babies come as well.

I have bought a few things for the nursery but it still feels a little strange to do so. This weekend we are going to purchase a second crib after my appointment as well to match the one we have (because it is on sale right now).

My mom has been really awesome and already sent me baby clothes. She pretty much asks me weekly when we find out the genders. It’s great to see how excited she has been.

Outside of all things baby we are headed to Kansas for Memorial Day weekend! We are going to celebrate my grandma’s 90th birthday and it’s my 15 year high school reunion (OMG I’m getting old). 2015 was the first year in my entire life I did not go back to Kansas. I am sure some of my family members weren’t thrilled about that, but my dad came to visit us last year, and I spent most of the previous summer there when my dad was sick. It is so hard to balance everything when I have so little vacation time and I really do feel guilty about it. I am really looking forward to this trip so I hope it all goes smoothly.

I hope everyone is doing well and I will try to update after my appointment on Friday! XOXO

Graduation

I have officially graduated from the fertility clinic and on to the OB! I had my last appointment at the clinic yesterday afternoon. We got an ultrasound and both babies are doing excellent measuring 2 days ahead at 8w4d. Both had heartbeats in the 170s. They looked like adorable little gummy bears! We even got a DVD of the ultrasound with audio for the heartbeats! I have been going to the clinic for so many years now (since 2013) that it seems crazy that I have finally graduated. My nurse gave me several big hugs. I will really miss her.

My first appointment with my OBs office is this Friday. I will see the nurse practitioner this appointment and in two weeks I will see the doctor. I’m curious about frequency of appointments with the twins after that. My appointment with the doctor is just before 11 weeks, so I will likely tell my boss in the week following the appointment. My maternity leave start date will likely be somewhat of a wild card so I want to give him as much notice as possible. The good news is that it will be right as we are winding down for the year.

My biggest pregnancy symptom continues to be exhaustion. I could sleep all the time. Friday night I slept 12 hours straight, ran errands for 2 hours, and then needed a 3 hour nap! I do have some morning sickness but I will not complain because it’s been manageable. My appetite is nonexistent. Occasionally I have random and very specific cravings, usually for something really unhealthy, but mostly nothing sounds good. The key to keeping nausea away seems to be eating so it’s been a struggle to find foods that don’t make me want to gag. Cooking is also totally out of the question, especially meat. Thankfully my husband has done a great job of making dinner and when I’m not too exhausted I try to help with the dishes. I have also been having some very crazy dreams!

I hope everyone out there is doing well! Happy NIAW!

What to do When…

You’re having TWO!

Tuesday morning I was so excited to start my day with acupuncture. It was my second morning in a row of nausea and I was really hopeful that acupuncture was going to give some relief. I was so tired/relaxed I slept through the whole thing! It was wonderful! And I felt better afterwards. I had about an hour and a half until our ultrasound appointment at the clinic. I had some work to do in between and time went pretty quickly.

Around 11:15 I met my husband at the clinic and we signed in for our appointment. They seemed to be running on time and we were taken back pretty quickly. A new doctor just joined the practice two weeks ago and I was scheduled with her for my ultrasound. I really liked her right off the bat. She started the ultrasound and brought up the first image on the screen. A perfect little baby! And then she said “and here is the other one!” Another perfect little baby!

Honestly seeing the first one I was so happy I was starting to tear up, but then seeing the second I was completely shocked. Of course I knew there was a chance we would have twins. I mean we transferred three embryos for goodness sakes! But knowing something is possible and having it actually happen before you is totally different. Also in the last two weeks I was pretty convinced it was just one. My beta numbers were strong and increasing at a perfect 48 hour doubling time and I know with multiples you often see much higher numbers and higher doubling time. Also I had been feeling mostly pretty normal. Morning sickness had started at 6w2d, other than a few random waves of nausea prior. I just felt like it was for sure a singleton pregnancy. Well I was very wrong. And I was very shocked.

Baby A measured at 6w3d with 114 heartbeat. Baby B measured slightly smaller at just 6w, but had 113 heartbeat. The doctor said that both were within normal ranges and at this point they want the heartbeat to be over 100. She said at this point she wasn’t worried about Baby B being a little smaller. I have another ultrasound on the 25th.

Two days later I am still in shock. Happy. Excited. A little overwhelmed. And just still very surprised.

It is going to be weird going two weeks without a doctor’s appointment, but I feeling a little better about things now that I have heard their little heartbeats! AHHHHH!!! Is this really happening?!?!

Worth It

Basically the minute after our close friends and family found out I had my transfer I started getting daily text messages asking me how I was feeling. It was really nice to feel loved and that people were there for me and wanted to check in on me.

And then I got a positive beta. More text messages asking me how I was feeling. For the most part I felt really normal, but when I would respond and say “I feel good!” I could almost feel the disappointment from whoever was asking. So I started to respond saying “Good, but I am a little more tired than normal” or “Good but I am having a little reflux”. And then they would get really excited and say things like “well that will only get worse”, or “get used to it I was always so exhausted”. Basically everyone was really excited to share their own pregnancy symptoms with me. It got to the point that I started to freak out a little because I did feel so good for the most part, that maybe something was wrong.

While some people get symptoms earlier a lot of women (especially the fertile who aren’t over evaluating every single little feeling) don’t notice anything until six weeks.

After beta #3 I started getting more specific messages like “so has morning sickness hit yet?” or “are you throwing up yet?” Everyone seems super excited for me to be sick. Maybe so they can tell me how sick they were? I don’t know. I don’t really get it.

So on Tuesday night my dog woke me up at 3 am to pee (a bad habit she has), and I actually did feel sick. I had actually slept from 10 to 3 which is the longest I had gone without getting up to pee in the past few weeks, and my stomach was obviously completely empty. I didn’t actually throw up, but I could have easily. I finally ate some applesauce and was able to go back to sleep after like an hour and a half. When I woke up a few hours later I was still a little queasy but I ate something and it passed.

The next day my mom text me asking if I was feeling sick yet later in the day. I told her I thought I had felt some morning sickness around 3 am and her response was, “well it’s worth it.”

Do you really need to tell me it’s worth it? I wasn’t complaining. I didn’t even bring it up. She asked. I will throw up every single day and night for the next 8 months if it means that I get to bring home a healthy baby. And quite frankly if I do get super sick I have every right to be miserable and even complain, but that absolutely does not mean that I don’t think it’s worth it. I am fully aware that I asked for this…..I paid tens of thousands of dollars trying to have this…….and I literally pray to thank God for it every single day.

So it might just be the pregnancy hormones which have made me a little more moody and sensitive than usual, but I was pretty pissed that she would have the nerve to say that to me. If almost felt like a lecture. At that point I pretty much cut off the conversation.

I am sure that this is just the beginning of months, or years, or unsolicited advice and comments about all things pregnancy and parenting (as if I haven’t already had enough about how to get pregnant over the years), and honestly even that will be worth it if it means I get to bring home a healthy baby.

A Watched Pot (UPDATED)

Last week when the nurse called to let me know about my positive beta she told me that my next beta (#3) would be at an outside lab. At the time I didn’t have an issue with it, even knowing that meant I wouldn’t get results until the next day. Beta #1 and #2 are included in the cycle fees paid upfront, but Beta #3 is not, but it can be billed to insurance. What I don’t totally understand, is why they can bill my insurance for my six and eight week ultrasounds, but make me to an outside lab rather than using their lab. Couldn’t they also bill insurance for this simple blood test? At this point I would actually have preferred to just pay for their lab to do it!

I went to Labcorp yesterday at 7:15 am. Today at noon I’m still waiting for results. I am stalking my patient portal like a total crazy refreshing every few minutes (something I teased my husband about doing when we were waiting for our original results to post).

Honestly this wait has been worse than the TWW for me. Thankfully I had acupuncture this morning, which did help my anxiety significantly, but still my patience is dwindling. I have been praying a lot, mostly for peace, over the past 48 hours. I am trying my best to give this to God. After almost 5 years of infertility I am just terrified of losing the thing I have prayed so hard to get.

My sweet friends have been great to check in on me the last week so see how I’m feeling, which is great…..except I actually feel mostly normal. The changes I feel are subtle. I am a little more tired than normal, but nothing crazy. I have reflux some times, but not always. My boobs are a little tender to touch. I got a terrible headache after running errands Saturday that I think was caused by not staying hydrated enough. I do have to pee very frequently. I am up 2-3 times a night at least. I barely made it through acupuncture today even though I went right before my appointment. Otherwise I feel pretty normal. And when I respond to text messages letting them know I feel good/normal I almost feel like they are disappointed. And then I start to freak out that I should be feeling more.

I am anxiously awaiting confirmation that things are ok. Honestly its really surprising to me how hard this part has been for me. I am not usually a worry-wort about things. I can barely concentrate at work! I finally put my headphones on with some Hillsong to try and relax, and thought that writing out my feelings would be therapeutic. I actually might take a quick walk around my building! Because a watched patient portal never gives you want you want!

UPDATE:

After writing this post I went on a nice walk listening to Pandora and came back to my desk and tried to focus on work, only letting myself check my patient portal every 15 minutes.  At 1:15 there was finally a new result.  I said a quick prayer and then opened it.  My Beta #3, taken at 5 weeks 2 days, was 5148, which is a doubling time of 48.2 hours!  I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.

The clinic actually called like 2 minutes after I saw the result, and my six week ultrasound is scheduled for next Tuesday.

Can This Be Real?

Today I am 4w6d. I just can’t stop thinking and wondering if this could be real. After all this time can I really be pregnant? With all of the twists and turns that infertility brings to my life I just keep wondering when the other shoe will drop. I am obviously thrilled, but part of me just doesn’t believe it’s really happening.

The part of me that loves to have every detail planned is screaming “Get with it girl! There is so much to do!”. And then there is part of my brain that just hasn’t accepted that this is really going to happen. And there is also a part that feels like if I do anything it will somehow jinx it. I know that’s not how it works. This is purely in God’s hands. But I have finally gotten this thing that is so precious to me, that I have wanted so badly for so long, and I am terrified I will somehow loose it.

OB Care

The clinic recommended I set up OB care immediately for after 8 weeks. From what I understand I will get an ultrasound at the clinic at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, and after that I graduate to the OB. I felt so weird about calling my OBGYN’s office on Monday. I felt like a fraud honestly. After speaking with the nurse I was extremely happy I called, because I was told they would get back to me in 5-7 business days to let me know if my doctor (who I already have been seeing for years for GYN services) would accept me as an OB patient. I wasn’t really given a lot of information on why I may or may not be accepted, but if they weren’t going to accept me this is information I need sooner rather than later obviously so I could figure something else out.

Thankfully I received a message yesterday that I had been accepted. I called this morning to set up my first two appointments. My first will be with the nurse practitioner just before 9 weeks (the same week as my 8 week ultrasound at the clinic), and the second with the doctor just before 11 weeks.

Acupuncture

I plan to continue with acupuncture throughout my pregnancy, and for at least the first trimester I will go weekly. When I went in for my first pregnancy treatment, before my beta, I could tell that my acupuncturist thought I was pregnant. She didn’t say it, but she was totally transparent after she took my pulses. When I went in after my beta for my second treatment she admitted she just knew I was pregnant the week before. I love acupuncture and it helps many people with the symptoms of pregnancy, especially in the first trimester.

How I am Feeling Physically

Today is the first day that I feel a little queasy. I have had some reflux and bloating since a few days before my beta as well. I have been trying to eat every two hours, and if I go too long between snacks/meals I don’t feel well. My face has been breaking out here and there, and I am more tired than usual. I have been trying to walk for 30 minutes every day. I also have to get up and pee at least 4 times a night. I have also been trying my best to practice sleeping on my side. I am a stomach sleeper so this has been a challenge. Because I am bloated sleeping on my stomach is comfortable either so sleep has been hit or miss the past week.

Telling People

Basically we have shared our news with our family and close friends who knew the details of our IVF. It is very overwhelming for me to tell people, especially because it’s hard for me to believe it’s actually happening. I am also really scared that something will go wrong.

What’s Next?

I will have another Beta on Monday to make sure levels are rising appropriately. If things are looking good I will have a 6 week ultra sound on Monday April 11th (I will be 6w2d). I think that hearing a heartbeat will make this feel much more real.