Right now, for the first time ever, I am pregnant until proven otherwise. PUPO is a term I have been familiar with for a long time. It’s a special way to refer to the two week wait after your IVF embryo transfer, when you embryos are placed inside your uterus for growth, implantation, and safe-keeping.
But it’s more than just the factual definition. Right now it is my body’s mission to take care of my little embabies. While the embryologist may have told me that each embryos potential is set at fertilization having them inside of me is a serious responsibility. I feel connected to them. I want to give them a good safe home for the next nine months. No matter what happens, even if it’s for only a short time, they lived inside of me.
When I look at the photo of my little wonders I feel proud. It seems strange to be so in love with a few microscopic cells. They represent hope. A lot of love and science went into creating them. Having them inside of me, hopefully dividing, growing, developing, and making themselves at home, is a privilege. I am celebrating that they made it this far. That is a gift.
Right now every little decision I make is about them. What I do, eat, put in or on my body…..it’s all for them. There is no way for me to check on them. All I can do is pray for them and give them my best. I can only hope it’s enough. They deserve everything.
If they don’t make it there is no way I won’t feel responsible. While logic and science might be able to give me a list of other explanations, my only concern is helping them develop and keeping them safe. I will feel like I failed them if that isn’t possible. I think they call that being a protective mother.
Being PUPO is special. It might be an agonizing two-ish weeks of wondering and hoping they are okay, but it might also be the only time I get with them. There is nothing I can do to make the time go faster, so right now I am focusing on the time I have with them. I hope they are fighting for me like I am fighting for them. If they don’t make it I will never forget them. For the next few days I will be happy to take care of them. And I will pray everyday they stick around.